The Boy I'm In Love With

one.

Dear the boy i'm in love with,

I hope you're okay. I'm fine, I think. How long has it been now? A month, possibly? There's no point in playing dumb, I know for a fact it's been exactly a month since our last real conversation, no matter if it has led to this.

I wonder how it's been for you.

I wonder if you've been listening to the music we both enjoy, our music, and think of me when you do so - just like me.

I wonder if you lay in your bed at night longing for the feeling of someone occupying the, what seems to be, cold and empty space beside you - just like me.

I wonder if you pick up your phone when you finally have the guts to face your feelings and send a message, just to delete it minutes after typing it out - just like me.

And that's all i can ever do, just wonder.

This last month has shown me how powerful distance can be.

I know you, more than i know anyone, even myself. I can read you like a book. I could read you like a book. now i have no idea how you are. Or even who your are, for that matter.

You could've moved on, and what am i to do? I'm hopeless in that scenario, and that hurts.

Distance has drove me to believe that i know everything about some kind of stranger, when really you are much more than that to me. I wish i could tell you the truth about how i feel, just like you once did.

I remember the exact moment you told me that you loved me, that I became a part of you to the point where you could tell me absolutely anything and not feel ashamed. You told me that you couldn't see yourself with anyone but me, and I believed you.

My biggest regret was only thanking you. I thanked you for telling me your biggest confession. The confession that was hiding away in the bottom of your heart, but i never said that i loved you back.

Why? Why didn't i say it?

We're both so young. I thought maybe, just maybe, I was too young to be in love with someone.

I thought love had to be so much deeper than attraction and admiration, longing and lust. Something more than the burn in my chest and the constant flutters i feel in my stomach.

But no. I was wrong, because all of this that I was feeling was love. Pure love.

The hardest thing about love is that it will completely numb you of every feeling imaginable in the world, until it rips you apart from the one thing that made you feel the most, and when you're finally ripped apart, all that's left to feel is the agonising loss that contaminates you.

And that's what leads to the solitary pieces of my heart that clatter away every second i'm away from you.

That's why it's my deepest regret.

I pushed you away when you're the only person in this world that can pick up my cluttered heart and jigsaw it back together. I know I will never have the guts to send you these confessions of mine, but from the bottom of my crushed heart, I am so sorry. I miss you... a lot.

I hope that, maybe, we'll connect in the future, and my prayers will be answered. And everything can work out like we once planned.

Yours sincerely,
The girl you once loved.