You Shine (Choni)

22- The Fight

Cheryl's POV

I had gotten a text the night before from Toni, saying that she wanted to talk about something and whether I could meet her at Pop's for breakfast. School was cancelled for the day, while numerous conspiracies swirled around Midge, and I knew that Fangs was in line for questioning after admitting to sleeping with Midge while she was still with Moose. 

It was early dawn when I woke up, Toni's favourite time of the day. I knew this from endless hours of watching her sit at the window and stare out into the early sun, the mist glistening on the grass, the animals starting to awaken with song. I loved this time of day now too, associating it with the time spent in Toni's arms, feeling her warmth as we watched the cold morning begin to turn into a whole new day that we got to spend together. 

By the time I reached Pop's, I was beginning to panic. I had no idea what Toni wanted to talk about, and my mind always immediately led me to the worst case scenario. Everything was just starting to go right. My mother was in the middle of packing her things out of Thistlehouse, and Nana Rose had just completed the paperwork to become my official guardian. But, with something about Toni seeming off, the day was still a bad day. Even the hug I got from her when she finally turned up seemed stiff. 

We sat down at our regular booth, breakfast in front of us, and I noticed that Toni couldn't look me in the eye. She was being quieter than usual.

"Cheryl, what do you think of my reputation?" She asked me as soon as we sat down. "Honestly."

I was confused. I thought we'd already had this discussion. "It used to bother me. Now, I couldn't care less."

"When did you stop caring?" She asked, her eyes finally finding mine.

I bit my lip. "I...I can't remember."

She leant her elbows on the table and propped herself up on them. "Is that because you still care?" She said, and at that moment I realised that up until right now, I had. Even a few hours before, at school, I was worried about staying behind with her. 

But, right at this moment, I no longer did. When I looked at her, all I felt was pride.

"I don't care anymore, Toni, I promise you that. I did care for a long time, though. I think yesterday is when I stopped caring."

"And you never mentioned that before?" She asked, her voice as hard as I'd ever heard it. "All the nights we spent together, all the time you spent hanging out with me and the Serpents? All that time you were seeing me as nothing but my reputation. I am more than just a Serpent, just a photographer, just a Southsider. I thought we had something different. Special. I thought we worked because when we together we forgot about all of that, and just became ourselves."

"That's completely ridiculous," I argued back. "I never saw you as just your reputation when it was you and me alone together. I never saw your reputation, only mine. I had trouble wrestling the thought of my own reputation meshed with yours."

She gave a hollow laugh. "So you only cared about me when nobody else was watching?"

"No," I fired back. "You've always been so much more than that. I'm telling you, right here, right now, I couldn't care less. I'm proud of who you are, where you've come from."

She shook her head. "I can't believe we're having this fight. I thought we were past this reputation bullshit."

"I am. Clearly, you aren't," I told her, my food cold in front of me. I'd lost my appetite.

"Of course I am! Everything I've been trying to do is to prove to you that I want to show you off to everyone, and just be with you. I don't care if you're head cheerleader, or how much money you'll inherit, or what people think of me!"She shouted back, her voice growing louder.

"I know! And I don't care either! I may have done in the past, but why can't you trust me that I don't now, and I won't ever again?" I replied, my voice breaking just when I was trying to sound at my strongest. 

"Cheryl, you told me you were over this a few days ago when you clearly weren't. How can I believe that you are this time?" She asked, bitterly.

I looked her deep in the eyes, lowering my voice. "Because last time, I was still concerned with my reputation. I genuinely thought I was fine with yours because I cared more about mine, but I learned that I can't care about mine either. And if I have to choose between my reputation and you, it's no contest. I'd choose you everytime. I promise you that. Even if it took me way too long to figure that out.I'm sorry. Forgive me?"