Rants and shit

Dear Mom

Listen and listen good. I DON'T WANNA FUCKING BE LIKE YOU!! You sound so worried when you ask me what's wrong, but do you really wanna know the answer. You, you, the answer is obviously YOU. You give me stress, and too many of my negative feeling come from you. I'm "too much of a perfectionist"? I got it from you. I'm spoiled? Guess who spoiled me. The fact that "I firmly believe and admit that I'm not good enough"... guess who inspired me to feel that way. Don't fucking blame for your problems. You have something you wanna get done? Don't fucking tell me to fucking do shit. DO. IT. YOURSELF. 

I don't go around asking for help, becuase I HATE when unwanted people ask me for help. If I want to help because it comes from the kindness of my heart, then guess what? I'll fucking help you. Now, you see, my problem isn't you asking me to do something, but rather asking me and then immediately afterwards (when I tell you to give me a minute or so, since I'm busy doing something) say "No, do what I tell you to do now" "Because I say so" UGH!

No, I'm not that much of an asshole, I just act that way to gain your attention, but at the same time, I act that way to push you away. No, I'm not antisocial... No, I'm not Mrs. Social either. Some times I wanna talk to people, and some times I WANNA BE LEFT ALONE. But no... I hate being alone. WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET ME BE ALONE?!! Can't you understand that I want nothing and yet everything? Can't you understand that I don't actually know everything about myself and what I want? Can't you understand that I'm not an angel, but I'm also not Satan? I have good moments and I have bad moments... 

Also, no, I don't hate you. I've never told you that I hated you, but I know you're not an idiot, and you can sense the strong discomfort and dislike from me some times. I love you, and I will never stop loving you, and you're an amazing mother, but really, some times you can be extreamely insensitive and it can make me really sad. I really wish you could learn to hold yourself back a bit.

Anyways..

HELLO PEOPLE ON ZE INTERWEBS.

This is a thing.... that I'm gonna be doing some times. 

There're no specific days for updating.

And... yeah... it's a thing... that happens... and it's there...

BAIII