Emotions, Logic, Morality.

A person's decisions and actions are primarily ruled by their emotions, logic, and morals (which are tied to emotions). It's only natural to make decisions based on these things, but you should never choose only one Of course, the most dangerous of all would be emotions. Making a decision based solely off your emotions can have deadly results. You may lose a friend. A lover. A sibling. Even maybe your own life. Sometimes you may lose them all.

I'd only ever felt this once before in my life. Back then I was stupid and possessive. I lost the first woman I ever loved, ironically because I tried too hard to keep her. There wasn't enough logic in my decisions but I told myself I'd never do that ever again. Over a year later I met another one. A beautiful young lady with bright brown eyes and long, lovely black hair. She was almost as tall as me. For some reason it added to her charm. She had a smile that shined brighter than even the sun. I'd never call it instant love as there really is no such thing, but I did take an immediate liking to her. We spent many days which turned to weeks together. Almost every possible moment. There were blissful moments where we danced in the rain and moments where nothing was right. But logically, nothing is perfect. So I didn't mind all that much. After all, people have their flaws. Right?

Weeks turned to months and it was all still so great. Or so I kept telling myself. You see, I had made a terrible decision. I allowed myself to be consumed by emotion and once again I failed to look at my situation logically. The more we went on, the less blissful it was. It started weighing heavily on my heart as if there was always a cinderblock on my chest. She said things but her actions showed otherwise. And like a fool I paid no heed to it. Only a few months in and by this time she had already lost interest in me. Of course, she never said so. Why would she? It seems that I deserve to suffer. She would constantly treat me as if everything else was more important. I was never put first and I allowed my emotions to make me stay when I should have left. I needed to leave for my own good but I allowed my emotions to rule me, like a fool.

I sought solice in a friend. No, a brother. Or at least I thought he was a brother. Logic was once again removed from my decision. After speaking with him about my situation with this woman, he also began speaking with her. I thought nothing of it. After all, she claims to want only me and he is my brother, so it's all okay. But like a fool, I ignored the signs. I ignored the voices in my head telling me that all is not well. When she pressed her lips against mine I didn't feel love coming from her. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't love. Her touch became cold and it felt as if she had begun forcing herself to even be in my presence. To even speak to me. It was excruciatingly painful and within a couple of weeks I've already had enough. I forced even a little bit of logic into my mind again and I shut her off for a bit. But I was weak. Too weak to fully go through with it and there I was with her in my arms again but she still felt cold. I didn't even wonder why my so-called brother stopped speaking to me.

I don't know when or if they were going to tell me. I don't think they were. But one night I happened to step into the right place at the right time and saw something I never thought I'd see. My "brother" had her all over him. Their lips pressed against each other. His hands all over her body. Their tongues dancing in bliss. Her arms wrapped lovingly around his neck. And I stood there. Paralyzed. Something inside me died that night. I don't know what exactly it was, but it's no longer with me. I walked up to them. They still don't see me. I grab the empty chair next to them and sit. They didn't hear it. "Is this seat taken?" I ask sarcastically, with the voice of a dead man. They stop their activities and look at me. In a way it was priceless. Both of them staring into my eyes with terror on their faces, seemingly searching for a soul that had already been burnt away. I look at them. The terror turned to regret. No words were said. He was about to say my name but I stopped him with a raised palm. Nothing needed to be said that night. I'd seen enough. I quiet get off the chair and as I turn around to leave, I hear a faint, feminine "I'm sorry." come out from behind me. It brushed past my ear like a cold wind. I say nothing, and depart.

Deep down I had expected something like this from her. I was waiting for it to happen. But I never expected it to be with him. Like a fool I trusted with my emotions and not with my logic. But they made their decisions based off emotions too. But they did not only throw away logic, but also morality. They knew better, but in the moment, they did not care.

The roses have wilted and the violets are dead.

I haven't lost much.

But he lost a brother. And she lost a person that would have loved her purely til the end. And she'll look for me in everyone she ever meets. I won't be found.