The Remanent My Supernova Has Left Me

"If I'm a flame, you're gasoline."

Gasoline. That's what this boy was. That's what they both were to each other. They fueled one another's flames until they crashed together. They became an inferno in those moment. A threat to each other and themselves. They walked the fine line between total devastation and simply clearing the undergrowth so that new life could begin.

They gave each other an energy that could restore men dead on their feet from training back fo full alert. Burning hot and bright alone, they were blinding when they clashed. "You're a super nova," one had spoken quietly to the other at one time long ago. It was late, and now was the only time it was safe to voice such things. His burns would not be made worse, for their flames burned hot, bright, and intensely; but they also burned quickly, leaving each other warmed only by the embers of what had passed.

"You're my super nova. Bursting with heat, light, and intensity so suddenly and quickly. Forever brilliant and beautiful, even after you've faded to a remanent."

Soft words spoken in the haze between the waking and sleeping worlds were the only time James could tell his super nova what his heart longed to say. These words would stay here, the soft voice he saved only for his lover would too. They were unwelcome when they could not be attributed to a clouded, tired mind and body. Those words when spoken in a time of full coherence meant commitment. They meant all of the things the super nova beside him seemed to push away.

James learned to be content in this. He longed for more, but what he wanted was not possible. What he has was this crazy, reckless love with no name, that kept him coming back. Always coming back. He was addicted to this. Playing with fire was so dangerous, especially when you're the gasoline fueling it. He loved it.

After every burn, self inflicted or not, he'd end up back there again. Back under the reckless boy who'd stolen his heart. His touch sent electricity through James. Hands ghosting over his body provoked sounds meant only for the super nova before him, lowering his guard. Sweet words with no meaning behind them filled him with a fluttering feeling, they tore down his walls. The stronghold James had built around himself was being burned to the ground. Stronger and stronger the urge to give in grew. To be consumed by this blind force. It claimed to offer warmth, to offer security and sanctuary.

It promised wonderful things, but he knew giving in would only leave him cold and broken, burned beyond recognition. So he held out, standing on the brink each night. Never giving in, always fleeing with part of the smoldering embers to hold close for warmth.

The day his super nova vanished, James learned he had been lying to himself. He learned that standing so close to an inferno of that size for so long, it took you wether you wanted to go or not.

Weeks passed. The bed his lover slept in once was now filled by someone else. It had been taken too soon. Given away so freely. Did no one else see this? Did no one else realize that an amazing young man was no longer here?

Keith Kogane was gone. Expelled. And most didn't seem to care. Some had the audacity to be happy that the "problem child" was gone. Few were upset by it, aside from the obvious discarding of natural talent.

None were devastated as James Griffin was.

The once moderately loud and competitive boy had blown up like a car bomb. Lashing out at any unfortunate soul who set him off. Nearly deemed the "new problem child", he used his pain and anger as a weapon.

But that weapon only hurt its user. Not the people around him. Not the one who'd left him cold and alone. Keith had most likely forgotten James by now, anyways. The realization that his anger was directed at no more than a ghost helped sober him up.

He built his walls again, only letting his team in. But not as far as Keith had gotten. No one would go there again. James couldn't let them. He wouldn't. Deep down, he knew they would leave and he'd be more of a husk than he was now. They would crush the flickering embers within his heart.

James saw himself as a cold and broken man. Shivering, cold and alone. Burnt beyond recognition. He clung to those small embers of what had been, protecting them with his life.

He saw himself as an ugly, skewed version of a boy once on fire. The broken remains of Keith's old life, a blemish in the other's past.

James had found that, unlike himself, his super nova was still incredibly beautiful in the remanent he'd left.