Under My Wings

1.

Yoongi tried. He tried and tried and tried again and again not to hate his father. He really did. He always found excuses to what he did, always made sure to defend him when people we're badmouthing him, endured everything because that man was his father.

He gave him birth. He should be thankful. And if his father regretted it afterwards, it was only Yoongi's fault. He could've been a better son, and this would have been avoided. He could've been useful and a good son, and the bruises that were spread across his body wouldn't be there. He wouldn't have to hide them with his mom's old make up. 

It was his fault.

Yoongi sighed at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was pitch black and a little curly, he tried to smooth it out, but it was no use, he frowned at his pale skin. He was so so pale, unlike his father, and simple scratches turned into full bruises in record time.

Nevertheless. He made sure the scars on his face weren't too apparent, wore his grey sweater and black jeans, his boots and hurried to take his bag, tiptoeing around the house to avoid waking his father and older brother before bolting out of the house.

He smiled a little bit knowing he avoided his father's rage this morning, and the perspective of seeing Seokjin in his classroom made something stirr deep in his heart, like a warm blanket in a cold night. Was it normal to feel this way toward someone? The young student wasn't sure, but for once, he had something positive to hold onto, he wasn't planning on ruining it.

Watching from afar was enough. 

~

It hurt. It hurt so much. He didn't know if it was coming from his head, from his stomach, from his feet or from his bones. He was just a bundle of hurt limbs and broken bones, not knowing how to breathe correctly.

In and out. In and out. Basic.

Then why was it so hard to get any air in his lungs ? Gosh, he was in so much pain, he just wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear, die, pass out. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. He felt like his bones were burning from the inside, he caughed blood, then more, more, more blood, until the only thing he could see was red. Crimson. 

Guess his father was angry. 

- Hey hey! Stop it! Oh my God! Dad! Screamed a voice coming from downstairs.

It was his older brother. Isang. Knowing he was there didn't make the pain go away, but he could finally close his eyes, relived. It was over, Isang was there to help him. He allowed himself to sink completely on the floor before properly passing out. 

~

The thing about those days, when his father was way too angry, too aggressive, and too out of it to control himself, it worn him out most of time. He always woke up in his brother's bed, sore all over, hurt, and above all this, broken inside.

It didn't happen too often, thankfully. His father was not a complete asshole most of the time, he just had his moments. When he was lucky, he would get away with a slap for not having the dinner like it should be, or for being late or whatever excuse there was.

If I was a good son, this wouldn't happen.

But when the beating was too harsh, Yoongi got tired and sore and he felt like he was on the edge of crying and screaming and dying even with all his hyung's hugs and 'sorry's whispered in his ears. He sighed and got up with a contained hiss.

It hurt. All over.

He still needed to go to school. He would go crazy if he didn't, if he didn't get to see Seokjin. He needed a semblance of normalicy to keep his sanity before he really did the unforgivable.

Seokjin was his only hope in his dark tunnel after all. 

Actually getting to class was a terrible experience. Like he was walking on knives trying to walk normally and act like his bones weren't setting him on fire with every step. He sat down on his usual seat, away from everyone and pulled his notebook and pen, waiting for Seokjin seongsaeg-nim to start his class. 

When the older man walked in, gorgeous and pretty, smiling and eyes swollen from sleep, Yoongi finally felt relieved and warm all over. The pain was worth it if he was getting to see the sleepy look on his teacher's face, if he was getting to hear the slurred voice of someone who hasn't completely woken up from sleep.

He felt peaceful, at ease. He didn't feel like that for a while now. If he could just close his eyes, just a moment, listen to his voice, drown in it's higher and lower pitches, just for a moment. 

Without noticing, he was asleep, using his teacher's voice as a lullaby. 

~

- Now, I get that waking up in the morning to study literature of all things is not very pleasant, but you could at least have the decency to not fall asleep in my class, mister Min.

Weird. Why was he hearing Mr. Kim'a voice talking to him in his sleep? There was a wave of silent laughter around him, like the students were laughing at something. What was it again?

- Mister Min.

The voice got closer. Gosh, he had such a pretty voice.. 

- Enough Yoongi. Wake up, you're in the middle of the class!

Yoongi practically flew out of his seat, terrified and mortified. He landed ungracefully on his ass, looking up at his teacher like a dear in the headlight.

Oh no no no no no no! What have I done? This can't be happening! Why did I fall asleep?

His classmates were laughing. Of course they were, while his dear teacher was looking at him with a puzzled expression.

- No need to be so dramatic about waking up. Seokjin said, raising a perfect eyebrow.

Yoongi's eyes were so wide, his cheeks hot with embarrassment, he opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was a pained whimper. Everyone was looking at him. They could see it. They could see him. They could see him. They could see his bruises underneath his make-up, they could see them underneath his clothes, they could see how ugly he was inside out, they could see everything. Their eyes were wide and curious and they were laughing at him.

They knew he was misersble and stupid and ugly. He felt like crying.

Seokjin's expression changed immediately, going from playful to worried. He kneeled in front of the student, offering his hand. But Yoongi crawled backwards, running away from the touch.

- Everything's alright? The oldest asked, worry lacing his tone.

Yoongi nodded and the teacher sighed before getting up.

- You should go the the infirmary if you're not feeling well.

Yoongi shook his head.

- Well, then try to stay awake this time. Seokjin added before turning back to the blackboard, his wide shoulders moving with each of his steps.

Yoongi was stunned, flushing, mortified and beyond embarrassed, with a clear need to die in an instant.

It was the first time his teacher talked to him, and the first time he saw him from up close.