I Fall Apart

Nora

"Hi baby," she said, holding out her arms. I leaned down and hugged her. "How was your first day of school?"

"It was fine," I sighed and sat down. "This year is going to be hard, though. Dad made me take AP History."

"Yikes," she said. "That sounds brutal."

We chatted for a few more minutes, then the doorbell rang. There was a woman at the door, and she asked my mom a hushed questions. Mom disappeared for a moment and went into the kitchen. She returned with a paper bag a few moments later, and the lady passed her some cash. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

Mom walked back over and sat on the couch. "Don't even say it," she told me.

"Seriously, Mom? You're dealing drugs?"

"Don't act all high and mighty. Something's gotta pay the bills."

"How about a job," I retorted, and she slapped me across the face. Shocked, I brought my hand to my face. She hadn't slapped me in years.

"Mom!" I complained.

"Don't you sass me," she said, her voice suddenly transformed with anger. I looked at her eyes a little closer and realized she'd been drinking too. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd done drugs today either.

I stood up, done with it. "I'm just gonna go back to dad's," I told her, picking up my backpack. "I don't need your shit."

"Run off to paradise," she mocked me. "Whenever you get sick of me, you run off to him. Well excuse me! I'm sorry I don't make millions of dollars and have a fancy place In the Heights!" She mocked his first musical.

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck you, Mom."

"Fuck you!" She yelled as I left. I heard something hit the door as I left. I stormed off towards the subway, glad to be out of there. I checked my phone. I'd only been there about ten minutes.

When I arrived home, I was visibly upset. Dad greeted me, but I went straight to my room and slammed the door. He knew me well enough that he knew I needed some space. He didn't bother me for a good half hour.

Once I'd cooled down a little, I heard a gentle knock on the door. He came in and closed the door.

"What happened?" He asked me, concerned.

I shook my head and felt myself tear up again. I don't know why I even tried with mom. I just ended up getting hurt every time.

"Mom was being a bitch," I told him as he sat down. "She actually dealt drugs in front of me. I mouthed off to her and she slapped me."

Dad's eyebrows raised as he leaned forward on his elbows. "Wow," he commented simply. "I'm sorry that happened."

"Whatever," I said, unzipping my backpack. "I'm over it. I'm done trying. I don't want to see her any more."

Dad was silent for a few minutes. "That's certainly a choice you have," he told me. "If she pushes back, we might have to go to court again."

"That's fine," I told him. "I'll tell them all about how she's done drugs in front of me and is drunk half the time I'm there."

Dad didn't try to talk me out of it, and I liked that. He respected my opinion enough that he knew I wasn't just being a bratty teenager. My mom was a mess and I didn't want to deal with her drama.

"How was school?" He asked me.

"This year's going to suck," I told him. "I have so much homework already."

"Hang in there," he told me. "You're a smart girl. You can do it."

I knew I could do it, but frankly I didn't want to. School was too much effort. A lot of the kids at my school were obsessed with their grades. They lost it if they didn't get A's. I tried to keep a B average to make Dad and Vanessa happy, but I got some C's as well. I didn't see the point in killing myself over a grade.

Dad got up so I could start on my homework. I wanted to get to bed early because I was exhausted.

"Dinner will be ready in 45," he said, tucking the chair under my desk. "Spaghetti and meatballs."

That sounded good. I was also starving. I powered through my Algebra 2 homework and was just about to start my English worksheet when dad called that dinner was ready.

Vanessa had just gotten home, so Sebastian was telling her all about his first day of kindergarten. There was Play-Doh and recess and singing and drawing and lunch and all sorts of other exciting things. I wish I could get as excited for school as Sebastian was.

I scarfed down my dinner and took extra bread. I ate like a linebacker and didn't seem to gain weight. Again, I did have some advantages from my mom. She'd always had a slim figure. After dinner, I asked to be excused so I could finish my homework. I was done by 8:30, and decided to go to bed early. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.