Lost Without You

TWO:

"MUM!" My intentional yell comes out as a nervous yelp. I'm backing into a caliginous corner of our dark oak style living room. Mum's custom made snow globes, her most prized possessions, line the shelf above our fireplace. They represent every place we have ever been. And she adores them.

My mother rushes into the room just as I hit the wall I had been backing towards. Mum's eyes flash eagerly around the room until she sees it. Her eyes flash with denial and then anger, "Ava Delaware, What the hell were you doing?" She snaps. "Mum, I'm so sorry. I ... I can replace it-"
Mum is appalled, "Replace it?" She demands, "Replace it?" She crumples onto the floor tears flowing like rapids down her cheeks.

I have broken mum's favourite snow globe. The only one with Amber in it. Before she disappeared. The glass lays shattered on the smooth wood floor, right next to mum's broken heart.

I bend down and curl my body to fit mum's position. I stroke her thin grey hair and give her face a close inspection. Her wrinkles pose like layered paint on a canvas. Her soothing brown eyes lost their spark long ago, when Amber disappeared.

It was hardest for mum. She always thought she failed as a mother but we know that's not true. Dad and I give mum every opportunity to be happy but ever since Amber's disappearance it seems she no longer knows how.

"We'll be OK mum," I say soothingly, "We've handled it for the past ten years and we are not going to stop now."  I give her a big squeeze trying to scoop up all the pieces of her heart. "And remember it's the Carnival tonight."

Every year soon after my birthday the California Carnival comes to town and I just turned eighteen. Without my twin.

Mum smiles, "How do you always make me feel better?" I grin, every time it's the same question and every time I supply the same answer. "I can read minds mother." I shake my head, "When will you ever learn?"

The Carnival is crowded when we get there. Bright lights hang on colourful tents. It's around nine o'clock so they light up the sky like rainbow stars. People stroll around like lost kittens searching for food. I flip my long black hair behind me and zip up my smooth leather jacket.

As we wander aimlessly about my head starts pulsing, jabbing knives into my brain, but I ignore it. After a few minutes my throat seems to close. It's feels like a tidal wave is ripping through my body.

I can only remember one other time I felt like this.

"Amber." The muffled yelp slips quietly out of my throat. Mum and dad are distracted so I divert my path to the left and stumble into a rubbish bin behind a tent. I feel a wave of dizziness and tumble to the ground. My head aches and my palms sweat steadily.

My hands tear around at the empty concrete longing for something to hold on to. My head shifts and I see her. Well I think it's a her but before I can take a proper analysis my world starts fading. Darkness intercepts  my vision. Then I black out.