Learning Me

Chapter One

The chatter of the audience carried backstage, where Courtney waited for her cue. No matter how many times she performed, the sound never failed to inspire a panic attack. Her mind blanked and a numb sensation traveled up her body as she approached the stage. The sounds coming from the auditorium dimmed as though her ears were filled with water. Courtney swallowed hard and grabbed onto the nearest object her trembling hands could reach in an effort to gain a sense of stability in the chaos.

Her cue sounded from the stage and, like magic, her mind and body calmed. Courtney didn't know how she never missed a cue, but she hadn't. She stepped onto the stage and panic gave way to confidence. Once again, she surrendered to her character. Every word she spoke resonated deep within. Before she knew it, she was soaking up the cheers from the audience with the rest of the cast. Courtney took her bow, and then retreated to the wings where their drama coach and crew waited.

"Bravo, everyone," Miss Hernandez said. "That was better than rehearsal! Courtney, your parents are waiting outside. They seemed like they were in a hurry, so you should go get changed. I'd like to talk to you tomorrow, though, so stop by my room after school, okay?"

"Sure, Miss Hernandez." Courtney waved goodbye to her cast mates while forcing a smile. The way her parents rushed out of these things, Courtney was surprised they'd never tried to grab her right off the stage in the middle of curtain call. She turned and retreated to the dressing room while trying to block out the excited chatter of the others.

Courtney washed the makeup off her face and changed back into the jeans and t-shirt she'd worn for the ride to school. She hung her costume with care, gently fingering the soft material before leaving the room. She wished she were partying with the rest of the cast rather than facing another night of boredom and indifference. She stopped wondering about their lack of pride in her performances a long time ago. Truth be told, she wondered why they even bothered going. It wasn't as though they were going to discuss the play on the ride back. The last time they'd shown any enthusiasm for her acting was in Kindergarten.

She trudged down the hallway, sighing deeply before stepping through the double doors and into the parking lot. She scanned the area, spotting them on a bench several feet away. Her parents looked to be deep in conversation until she came closer. Instantly, they stopped talking and stood to greet her.

"Sorry about that. Removing that gunk takes forever." She thanked whatever deity was responsible for her acting skills. She even believed that apology for a moment. She'd been doing everything she could to extend her post-show cleanup for years, but had yet to get it over a half-hour.

"It's fine, Sweetie. We'd better get moving, though. Don't you still have homework?" Her father raised an eyebrow.

Courtney learned long ago that look was dangerous and she generally did what she could to avoid it being directed her way. She nodded and forced a smile. "Just a little. I'll be done with it in no time."

"Good." Her mother adjusted the strap of her purse as she turned toward the car.

Courtney focused her attention on the crickets in the distance while they walked, hoping that would be the extent of their conversation. The same thing happened every time she did a play, and she didn't understand it. Shouldn't they be proud of how well she did?

The whole ride home, Courtney stared out the window and replayed the performance in her mind. How she remembered any of it, she had no idea. She went into autopilot every time she stepped onstage. The words flowed out of her as though she had no control of herself. It was a terrifying, yet exhilarating feeling that she chased without a second thought. Maybe one day she'd get them to understand just how important acting was to her. She wasn't going to place any bets on it, though.