Wentworths Words

Recalibration

29-07-2018

This page is not what it was. (A positive thing. IMO.)

I'm doing work here. Work I take seriously. And I'm committed to continuing to create a (relatively) safe, (relatively) structured container in which to do it.

All other concerns, up to and including what's cozy/comfy for other people, come second.

I write and share for me. And I'm speaking to those who understand what I have to say. (Or some of what I have to say.) Some of those people are here now. Some of those people have yet to arrive. Everyone else is just... here. Do you know what I mean?

Some of you can hang with that. Some of you get where I'm coming from. Others can and will continue to go. With and without assistance. That includes people who...

-Enjoy bringing some drams to this page. Reacting to drams on this page. Commenting on drams on this page.

-Spam me with emojis and dancing this-that-and-the-other. I'm a 46 year-old man. I can see 50 from where I'm sitting (and enjoying the view). That sh-t isn't appropriate.

-Call me "boo," "bae," "sweetie." Etc. If you asked anyone who knows me IRL to describe me, "sweet" wouldn't crack the top 20. Trust me. I experience that kind of nomenclature to be not only inaccurate and age-inappropriate, but condescending. Part of a cultural tradition designed to (consciously or unconsciously) minimize and infantilize gay men. Others too. On a related note, I am likewise uncool with being referred to as a "gay husband," "gay BFF," "gay" anything. Folks who know me IRL do not do that. Like, ever.

-Believe I'm in the habit of visiting your personal FB page. I'm not. Would never. That's a line I don't cross. (Unless you're super cute. And that only happened a few times a few years ago. I don't do that sh-t anymore. It's not appropriate. Unless you're super cute.)

-Nag me on behalf of people who are no longer on this page. If they aren't here, it's for a reason. Move forward.

-Enjoy playing therapist. Who continue to Speak Into Me as if they know me (they don't), as if I might be interested in their take on What Is Wrong With Me (I'm not). Who write "You should...", "You ought to...", "You need to..." Those people should, ought, and need to focus on themselves. Spend more time doing their work, less pretending they know what mine looks like. IMO.

-Confuse Opinions with Facts. Discourse, both online and IRL, would go much more smoothly if we began each statement with, "It is my opinion..." or "In my experience..." or "According to my belief system..." This shows respect, humility, an awareness that other people may not think the way we do. Or need to. Going out of our way to shove our Truth down someone else's throat is a Great American Tradition. (Not exclusively American, but we seem to have a knack for it.) I'm not holding space for it here.

This is my last word (hopefully) regarding the maintenance and regulation of this page. One of the million and one reasons I took a step back from FB, originally, was because I got tired of playing schoolmarm/traffic cop. I don't have the energy for it. So please - keep the drams and the cliques and the mean girl/mean boy/mean them crap off my page.

As always, you are 100% responsible for your experience here. If you find yourself made unwelcome, 1. There's a reason. 2. You are not owed an explanation. If that doesn't sit well... tough. This is not a space where you get to say whatever it is you feel like saying. Yes, we all have the right to Speak Our Truth. That doesn't mean anyone else Has To Listen. There is a designated place where you get to Speak Your Truth with a reasonable expectation of being heard. It's called "your page." That's why God/Mark Zuckerberg invented it. - W.M.

The above is not "the truth." It's my truth. My current truth. From which I give myself room and permission to evolve away at any time.