Joyful suffering - Yoo Jeongyeon

Chapter 10

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It's okay

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We just have to endure the pain.

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It's been a long time since I've had the injection. I ran my hand through my cold back, and I could feel every single scar that was on it. It hurt, but I'm used to it. How come I'm still alive? Whatever, there wasn't anything to live for anyway. I can't wait to say hi to my friend, death. I've been waiting for him for a long time, but he hasn't come yet. I just hope he'll be here soon.

I stood up and made my way to the prison bars. I slid my hand on the rusty bars that have been keeping me locked inside for god knows how long. I sighed. I don't even know what day or month, or even what year it is. I'm lost. I don't even have someone by my side. I just have to go through all this alone.

So much pain. So much sorrow. It's a normal thing for me now. I remember when I used to wonder when all this misery would end. When I had high hopes for something that would never happen. How pathetic.

I guess God has given me this life that I deserve. Maybe this is how I should live. Maybe this is my fate.

Every day that passes feels like an endless suffering. I have so many questions that I know I'll never get an answer to. Sometimes I wonder how my past life has been. The life I had before ending up in a place like this. Was I happy?

The word sent shivers down my spine. I'm not used to this word. I'm completely unfamiliar with this feeling. I feel like I should be sad thinking about this, but I don't feel anything at all. I don't even remember how happiness felt like.

All I can do is wish...

Wish for all this to end.

Wish to be the old person I was.

The old person I can't remember...

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"I'm sorry"

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I have voices in my head that are unknown. I can't identify any of the voices. I feel like I've heard some of the voices in real life before. I'm just not sure.

Maybe I'm just imagining things.

But something inside me is convincing me that I've heard these voices somewhere.

Somewhere.....in the past.

I feel so frustrated. My head is hurting. I want to get out. I want to break free. I want to get rid of all these voices in my head. I had lost my self-control because of them. There is no hope left. I can no longer be the person I want to be. So I ask myself...

"Who's Yoo Jeongyeon?"

"She's dead, I killed her"

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I can't even recognize myself.

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