I sit on my surfboard, waiting for the next wave to come. I put my hand against the water, feeling if a next wave is coming. Because that’s a thing I learned with Bethany Hamilton, you know, the strongest surfer I’ve ever known; because even though she lost her arm, she still continued to surf and be an inspiration towards others even she lost her hope, a few times.
I began to paddle, and went underwater. When I resurfaced again, I paddle towards the wave and stand up. I move my surfboard up and down the wave, doing some tricks and finally crashed back into the water.
“That was good!” Julia says when I get back to the shore, with my surfboard in the other hand. Julia has been my bestfriend since seventh grade. I don’t know how we became close, but I’m glad we did.
“Thanks” I say, and she helped me carry my surfboard. “But honestly, that wasn’t my best”
“Are you kidding me?” she snorts.
“Julia, you’re only saying those things because I’m your bestfriend. A friend always flatters her friend. You know”
“You don’t believe in yourself?” she asks. We went to her pick-up truck, then she puts the surfboard at the back. We entered her car together.
“Why would I?” I say as I slammed the door shut.
“Cara” she says with a more serious tone, and now she’s facing me. I face her too.
“Julia”
“Didn’t you tell your parents about this, yet?” she hasn’t even started the car yet. God I want to go home already.
“Can we go now? I’m starving” I groaned.
“I’m going to let go of this now, but let me just tell you, I’m not dropping this subject unless you tell them” and by that, she starts the car.
My parents weren’t always there for me. I mean, yes they attend with my needs and with the things that I want, but all I really wanted was for them to present whenever I needed them. I don’t care with the luxurious things they can afford, I just really wanted them to be there with me every day. You know, picking me up at school, eating dinner with me, and mostly just to be there for my birthday.
So the point came, where their presence never really mattered to me anymore. I barely even talk to them anymore, or see them. Because they’re always busy with their lame ass business that I don’t have any idea what’s it about. And I don’t even have any single idea why it’s more important than their own daughter.
Julia pulled the car at McDonald’s. It’s four in the afternoon, so there are not really much people inside. We ordered our meals, and then choose the table by the window. Yeah, we spent the whole day on the beach; talking and surfing and thinking out loud.
“Are you okay?” I asked her. She seems a little bit down since the ride from the beach.
“Yeah” she muttered, biting a piece of her fries.
“Clearly you’re not”
“It’s just,” she sighs “I’m getting worried about you. You’ve been in this situation for almost a year”
“Why are we talking about this?” I say it out loud, out of frustration.
“I feel like you do not trust me with the real things that are actually happening, with how you feel” now my appetite is gone.
“Just drop it, Julia. Just, I’m going home” I stand up. She didn’t follow me when I’m halfway down the door. She didn’t follow me when I exited the building. She didn’t follow me when I started to walk. She didn’t follow me ‘til I passed the curb. She didn’t follow me.
I arrived at the house at six o’clock. I made sure that my pace in walking back home is slow. Because, I don’t want to deal with anyone. I want to deal with my problems and with myself.
“Good evening ma’am” the servants of the house greeted me. Obviously, my parents didn’t have time for me, so since I was a little kid, the house servants were the ones who took care of me. “Would you like something to eat?”
“No. I’m going to bed” I say with a blank expression.
“But you can’t spend the night without eating dinner” one of them said.
I flipped them off. I climbed the staircase fast, and then entered my room. I collapsed in bed, wanting nothing more but to be alone. Oh wait, I’m already alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.
That’s what I am. And now that I and my only bestfriend fought, the word alone has sink into my chest deeper and deeper. And only now have I realized how truly alone I am. I’ve become so good at hiding my feelings that I don’t know who I am anymore.
I ‘m staring at my phone, which is resting at my bedside table. I don’t know, but maybe I’m waiting for someone to call me. But like I said, I’m alone. So why am I even bothering to wait for someone to call?
I don’t want to call her and say sorry cause it’s just like admitting that it’s my fault, but I also don’t want to lose her. And having both is just like, what? I can’t even describe this feeling. So I swallowed my pride and dial her number. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hey” she says.
“Hi Julia” I breathed out, “I’m so sorry with the way I acted this day. I guess I was consumed with my thoughts and I’m really sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry.”
“its okay” she says, “I’m sorry for pushing you too. For pushing you to tell the things that you don’t want to”
“So, are we friends again?” now I smile is creeping on my face.
“We can’t be not-friends” she giggles
“Thanks” I say smoothly “You made my night”
“So are you excited for tomorrow?” she asks, getting back with our usual conversation.
“Oh god” I rested my palm on my forehead, “I totally forgot about school tomorrow. If you’d ask, I’m not really ready”
“Mom’s forcing me to sleep now. Ugh. Anyway, tomorrow’s going to be fine. Meeting place, okay?”
“Meeting place” then she hangs up. I put my phone back at the bedside table.
Tomorrow’s the first day of school. I’m going to be in my senior year now. I’m not really looking forward to my college, but I guess I’ll have to think about that some other time. Me and Julia meets at the Starbucks near our school every morning, then we walk together in class with the same cappuccinos.
My mind swirled with thoughts about what’s going to happen tomorrow, until I drifted myself off to sleep.
