Do I Wanna Know? || Ashton Irwin

4

I paced the dimly-lit room, the only big source of light came through the giant window, but that didn't make much of a difference. The dark paneled walls and dark wooden furniture gave the impression that they absorbed any light that entered this room or even the sad souls that entered. The obscurity did set the mood for any patient to step in here, for it only set the mood for I. I visited this room twice a week and I felt a force generating every emotion out of me once I entered.

"Talia, I'm going to need you to sit down." I could feel Francis's eyes follow whichever corner I'd turned to next. I was groaning, I was rubbing my temples, I was trembling, I was scared. "It's essential for you to be as calm as possible if you want me to help you."

"I can't be calm! I can't sit down!" I was prompt with a request for forgiveness at my abrupt snapping.

Asking someone to be calm when they clearly were not calm was like asking a cheetah not to attack its prey.

I didn't know who else to go to after I told Trixy to act like she didn't see a thing. She was reliable in that sense because she was still so cautious, that she would not do something to ruin her internship. But even if she did decide to spill the beans, I would take full responsibility for my actions...like an adult.

After my meeting, I stormed out of the office, past the front doors of the store and shoved my way through people to get to Francis's office. I was cutting in to his lunch break, but this was urgent. He sat eating his revolting freezer meal. He said it was a chicken pot pie, but in point of fact it looked like vomit. I wasn't sure if I was mortified by the chicken pot pie or the fact that people still invested in freezer meals. Sure, they were quick and convenient and that was what any American aimed for, but they weren't the time to taste the plastic that they actually resembled.

Francis wiped his mouth with a napkin before walking towards me. "Come here."

After cleaning his hands, he grabbed either of my shoulders, stopping me and turning me towards the window. I could see the skyscraper I was yet to put a name to and people walking below.

"Throughout our sessions I have become conscious that you do your best talking when you look out this window." I felt him remove his hands from my shoulders and heard him pad back to his seat. "I'm allowing you and this window to get up close and personal."

I hated eye contact out of work, eye contact made me nervous outside of the working world. I was likely to look out the window many times during a session, it was pacifying to not look someone in the eyes when I was speaking of confidential things.

"Now tell me, what's the problem?" He mumbled with his mouth full of the vomit-like consistency. "My lunch is over in ten minutes."

"Francis, I told you I'd pay you double if you don't time this session." I sighed, leaning my forehead against the glass like a little kid. I could already feel the sweat developing and my skin slipping from the window, but I kept my forehead right where it was.

"Ashton came to my office today." I wrote my name over and over on the window. "We did something really bad. Like really, really bad."

-

I didn't feel any better than I did before going to see Francis. I still felt as if I was carrying the weight of the world on my back. I told Francis any detail that involved Ashton, leaving nothing out. I paid him triple for a surprise visit and running into a session he had with someone else and for interrupting his lunch hour.

I brought out my phone and dial Ana's number, she could give me some advice. As my older sister that was what she was supposed to do; help me feel better about kissing another man that was not Richard. The call went to voicemail. So I tried Sofia, she was the closest I'd get to having advice from Ana, but that call went to voicemail too. I was blank as to who to call for help next. I wouldn't dare bring this up to Jet or Noelle because I wouldn't hear the end of it, one of them would slip up and tell Richard and this whole thing would end up being worse.

I reached the warmth of the apartment, tossing everything in whatever area they belonged in, I kept my phone on me in case I got a call back from Sofia or Ana, but I wasn't even getting my hopes up for a response so quickly. My mind almost convinced me to call Luke and have him help me sort this out, but Ashton probably already told him what happened and Luke was probably already disagreeing with the whole ordeal.

Gone to the library. Will be back before 6. -Rich

That gave me two hours of alone time. Two hours to clean myself free of Ashton and make myself feel less guilty about what happened today.

I ran myself a bubble bath, hoping to ease my mind and the tension in my muscles. I stood removing my jewelry then my phone rang with Xander's very specific ringtone of some Weezer song that he set awhile back.

"Thank god you called! I'm in a situation." I sighed with complete relief. Xander would help me out. I hoped, or he'd at least be happy that Ashton and I engaged in, what I could call, an affair.

"T, something happened and we need you to get to Malibu as soon as you can." Xander spoke frantically fast that I almost did not catch what he said.

"What's going on?" I asked in calm and confused matter.

"Take a few days or weeks off from work and just get here, please, T. Bring Luke as well." His voice was so shaky, sounding like he was crying. I couldn't get another word in because Xander hung up so quickly.

-

To: tasomaki7266@gmail.com

To my left, my best friend is sound asleep. To my right, dark clouds are taunting me as I fly above them. As I fly back home to Malibu for undisclosed reasons, I want to scream. Malibu - California in general - is a place I try to dodge. The memories that place holds are too much for me to bare.

This email is to no one exclusive.

What is the worse that could happen when I get to Malibu? Will I be met with family troubles that cause me to turn my life around? I contemplate every bad thing that I'll be told. And when I begin to do that, I forget that good things can happen too. The bad will always cancel out the good and that's how life has always been.

I need sleep. I'll write soon.

Talia

I swore upon the email that I would sleep, that I would put everything aside and just sleep. My eyelids were heavy, my eyes seemingly sore with the need to sleep, but the typical racing mind wouldn't grant me what I needed.

"Hey," Luke's groggy voice caught my attention. "Can't sleep?" He yawned, rubbing his eyes in the process.

I shook my head, "Just thinking."

"About?"

"We all make mistakes, right?" Luke nodded. "And that's okay, right?"

"That's perfectly fine." He assured with a soothing tone. "What makes you ask?"

"I just feel like an awful person, who's made so many mistakes and I wouldn't be surprised if karma comes back and shit's all over everything I've created for myself."

"T," Luke smirked. "Get some sleep." Luke guided my head down to his shoulder, resting his head on mine. For a bit things were all right.