Agatha's Wannabe Fairytale

Part 2: A Banshee?

Part 2: A Banshee?

            The sputtering wide eyed man finally calmed down. Agatha was not sure what could have possibly caused his panic but she chalked it down to mental illness as that was common with the homeless.

            Arms crossed sassily she stared at him and yelled (since obviously all old people are hard of hearing) “HI OLD MAN!!”

            Frankly the squalid fellow looked like he was about to have a heart attack as sweat was leaking from his receding hairline and his hands clutched his chest like an overdramatic Shakespearean actor. Agatha stared down in concern.

 “CALM DOWN!!! YOU AREN’T A CHARACTER IN HAMLET YOU KNOW.” she shrieked like a banshee.

            By this time the scraggly guy stopped clutching his chest and glowered at her while his face started turning tomato red. This expression disappeared so quickly Agatha wondered if she had imagined the whole thing as his aged face donned a toothy smile minus the tooth part. It was discomfiting to say the least however Agatha never backed down especially when he could be her ticket to turning her life into the plot of a fairytale.

            “Huh huh lo!” he crowed, “Ya damn nar guv muh uh ‘art a-a-attack ya lil gorgon!”

            Agatha did not know what a gorgon was but assumed it was a compliment since her mother always told her how charming and tactful she was (albeit it was sarcastically but that still counts!). 

            “Why thank you!” she beamed.

            Staring at her like she was not right in the head (though ironically he was the one with the crazies!) he croaked, “So wha’ do ya want from muh? Or are ya just here tuh stare cuz I’m perty?”

            Swallowing back her retort that no one would ever willingly lay their eyes on his disgusting form if they could avoid it she replied, “I am here to help you so I get a wish!”

            He narrowed his eyes squinting at her as if she was a paper with extra fine print, “Wha’ nonsense are ya spouting?!”

            “Well you do need help don’t you?! You are the one begging on the side of the road with the most ridiculous bunch of pets I have ever set sight on!” she huffed.

            “Well I’m nah holdin’ this cardboard sign fo’ nothin’!”

            “This is not working!” she thought furiously. She plopped down her bookbag and blindly grabbed a bunch of coupons her coupon-hoarding mother had given her and threw them at the ungrateful coot who started scrambling for them, his twitchy, quick motions like an irritated upside down bug. “THERE!” she yelled. Not waiting for his response and that hideous toothless smile of his she started marching away while shouting, “AND MY WISH IS FOR MY LIFE TO TURN INTO A FAIRYTALE!!!!”

            Meanwhile the sirens continued and hoards of emergency responders rushed into the street. As she sashayed away (she had the natural grace of a newborn foal) cries, wailing, and urgent yelling filled the air.

            “What’s their problem?!” she wondered, “It is not like anything happens in this forsaken town!”

            Later that day on the evening news it was reported the largest traffic accident in the county for 10 years had occurred that morning (the last one was rumored to have been caused by a sassy tot having a temper tantrum in the middle of a busy intersection). No one was sure of the cause but a couple blubbering drivers caught in the chaotic incident had a couple claims which the police were investigating. One furious driver said it was an “IDIOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN’ ROAD” whose mother and father apparently lacked in parenting skills (the rest had to be censored for the faint at heart) while another witness cried in pitiful wails saying, “it-it wa-was a banshee I tell ya!” This witness testified it had created the most “g-ghastly shrieks I’ve e’er heard in my life!” Police announced they are still investigating this shocking tragedy and suspect foul play.