Hey everyone! I'm a big fan of love. I LOVE love. A hopeless romantic, if you would. That's why I'm so excited to share that I've been selected by Netflix to write this entry for the #ToAllTheBoysContest! I've had dozens of crushes in my lifetime. They're fun to have, but it's hard sometimes to have those unrequited feelings. It's best to share them— even if in just a letter only you will see. However, I'd love to read your letters! You don't need to name the person. Show me how you feel about your crush by writing a letter and entering the contest. You can even win some sweet prizes! And don't forget, the To All the Boys I Loved Before movie is available on Netflix now!
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Dear Crush,
It's funny how feelings come creeping up on us— one day I barely noticed you, then the next your presence hit me like I'd walked into a tree branch. Straight up whiplash. I'd seen you multiple times before, but suddenly my friendly smiles had turned into shy ones. It didn't take long to realize my mild interest in you had turned into something more serious. A crush. It sounds childish, but a crush will always be a crush, no matter what age you are.
I wish I could say having feelings made me confident, but it wasn't the case. I was self-conscious of everything. Were my jokes funny? Did my hair look okay? Was I blinking too much? Every time I made you laugh, a telling blush spread across my cheeks. Was I being too obvious?
Crushes are fun, but crushes hurt. For every happy moment spent with you, there was a miserable moment where I thought my feelings would never be returned. That I was an annoyance. That I wasn't good enough. But that's just how crushes are. Happiness, doubt, happiness, doubt. There are many highs and many lows. I even played the silly children's game with a flower from beside my house. He likes me, he likes me not, he likes me...
What do I like about you? Your smile. Your cologne. The way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. How humor comes to you like second nature and I never stop laughing. How you care about every single person you meet. How you help the elderly put away their grocery carts. And how you, for some reason, lift up your shirt to wipe your sweat from your face— but now I realize you did that to see if I was looking at your bare stomach.
I looked.
Every. Time.
You knew that.
Yikes.
Still, you unknowingly became a source of happiness to me. Every day I was excited to see you. I felt satisfied when I did; I felt disappointed when I didn't. That kind of reliance sounds bad, but seeing your face got me through some of the toughest days. All you had to do was smile. That's why even with all the downsides, having a crush is worth it. Crush, you are the highlight of my day. Of my night. Of my life.
The more days that went by, the harder I fell. Once you fall, it's hard to stop. It seemed like every day there were more reasons to like you. I tried to stop myself from liking you. It didn't work. I'd go out of my way not to see you, but still somehow end up by your side. I'd convince myself for hours that I could move on, but my conviction was shattered the moment my eyes laid on you. You pulled me in like a magnetic field.
I gave in. There was no way I could stop liking you.
And I never will stop liking you, Tyler.
