[ A/N: Hello and thank you for reading this. Everything in this story is perfectly real and this is very personal to me. I actually wrote a letter before this but it's in another site. The names in this story are changed, except mine.
Have you watched/read 'Koizora'? I heard that it's a true story...or at least it's based on one. Knowing that a love that strong and pure exists pulled my heartstrings. The Sakurai Hiro in the story is real, and there will more letters to follow after this, containing questions and stories about love, the one thing that made Hiro as well as Mika live on. These are addressed to Hiro, who now lives in heaven...sounds silly, right? Onward! ]
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Tell me; tell me you're listening.
It's me again. How are you? I hope you and your daughter are doing fine over there. As for me...well, I haven't done a single productive thing today. Exams start in two weeks and I haven't reviewed a single thing. Ha, my classmates wouldn't believe me if I told them that. Being an honor student is hard, you know?
But enough about school. I'm here to tell you something that happened three years ago, something that changed my outlook on life.
My first love.
~
It was a cold day in June and classes had begun. Everyone in the classroom had smiles on their faces and they told their friends stories about their summer vacation. I was seated in the first row in the right-most chair. The air conditioner had been turned on only a few minutes ago, so we made use of an electric fan to keep us from sweating the whole class orientation.
We had five new classmates: a guy with braces, a guy who looked a bit old to be in our grade, a guy with really white skin, an average-looking guy and a chubby girl. It was time for us to introduce ourselves and I said my name, where I live and my age. Nothing special.
When it was the average-looking guy's turn to introduce himself, he looked a bit nervous and he sttutered quite a bit when he spoke. "Good m-morning, my name is-"
In spite of myself, I laughed along with the rest of the others. With us being a very rowdy class known for being disobedient to teachers, we laugh sometimes when a fellow student, new or not, has to be formal.
He stops speaking and our adviser reprimands us. He repeats himself with his formal tone and no one laughs this time. Our adviser tells us to applaud him, saying that he was very polite and that was the right way of introducing ourselves.
I frown at her words and everyone's attention to him.
...You see, I was always the one that the teacher praises; the model student.
"What's his name again?" I asked my seatmate, Lucy. She was the shortest girl in our class and she has a passion for singing.
"Um...his name's Jared." She replied, looking at him. I nodded and the day went on without much happening. Maybe except for this fever I had during dismissal.
Our classroom was on the second floor. I was going down the stairs when I suddenly felt weak and dizzy. Leaning on the wall with my hand on my forehead, I wonder if would be able to come to class the next day.
"You alright?"
I look up and it was my best friend, Misty. "I...think I have a fever," I force myself to continue walking, my steps heavy. Misty walked beside me the whole time until we arrived at the school gate. She told me something about a great medicine and that I should get some rest. I felt so dizzy that I couldn't comprehend what she was saying.
When I arrived home, I told my mom about school, what kind of teachers we were going to have and Jared. My mom simply laughed and said that we might be good friends in the future.
"As if," I told her with an exasperated voice. Finally, Monday was over. I fell asleep after that and I remember not going back to school until Friday.
I was well-rested and I was worried about how many lessons were discussed while I was gone. Regular classes began on Tuesday, so I really had to catch up. When I entered the classroom, the seating arrangements changed and I was seated at the second to the last row, in front of Jared.
Before lunch was Language class and we were arranged in groups. Fan-freaking-tastic, I was in Jared's group.
...My apologies, I don't remember what happened during that timeframe. What I remembered was a joke that my friend Peter told me and Jared when we were discussing the project.. We both laughed and I looked at Jared, realizing that he had such a wonderful smile.
His smile changed my view on him and we became such good friends after that. We hung out a lot and my classmates began teasing us. Because of that, I started acting funny and I always became angry (or flustered) when he was around. It was that way until we graduated and my feelings for him still remain intact as well as the way I act around around him.
Don't get me wrong; I don't like him anymore and he just crosses my mind once in a while. The reason why we never had a romantic relationship is that I never confessed to him. With my parents being strict about who I talk to, I didn't want to disappoint them, but I didn't want to lose Jared either. I kept him hanging by a thread. For that, I feel guilty.
He wasn't a mere crush that us young girls have. He was the first person I became serious with but I never did have enough courage to tell him how I felt. He was my first love.
Hey, Hiro. Mika-san was the first girl you ever became serious with, right? Tell me, how would you feel if the two of you didn't end up together? For me, I already experienced it so it hurt a lot. How much you hate yourself for being a coward, not fighting for the sake of being together with that person.
That will never happen again. That's my promise to you.
- B.
