i never thought it would come to this | l.mh x h.js

i. i never thought it would come to this

five. that's all that jisung thinks his life comes down to. five. decades? years? days? hours? seconds? nothing could capture what a pitiful existence he lives. nothing but five. he won't give himself anything but that. five what? that's not his decision to make, he thinks, so he tells people to figure it out themselves. but inevitably, it always leads him back to five. he doesn't have the time or patience for anyone. especially for something so minimal that there's nothing worth explaining, nothing to tell. except for those five moments.

V.

the early morning air is stiff, chilling even, and it forces him to draw his flannel closer to his body. it doesn't help with the chill he feels down to the bone, but it brings him a sense of comfort knowing that there's something holding him close. it's the most warmth he's felt in years although the heat is practically nonexistent. that thought alone makes him feel pathetic, that the only comfort he's had comes from a piece of cloth. it's pitiful and he knows it.

but it's all he knows how to feel. he doesn't have anyone on his side. he's always been alone, and maybe that's why this is so easy. he knows that nobody is going to miss him when he goes so he scoots close to the ledge. he's got his note addressed to hyunjin, the person he feels closest to; if wanting to beat the living shit out of each other was even considered close anyway. but better to address hyunjin than his mom. at least his mom tried to help, tried to get the voices to stop.

folding the letter, he clutches it in his right hand. there's a bottle of jack daniel's in his left as he pushes himself off the ground. it's the perfect time because it's 3:45 in the morning and there will be nobody around to witness what he's about to do. there's that hint of doubt that crosses his mind, making him resolve to check both sides of the road to make sure that nobody will catch him in the act. satisfied, he climbs over the guardrail and stands at the edge of the overpass.

it's right as he's about to plunge when he hears a voice telling him to back away, but this one doesn't come from the recesses of his mind. the voice gets closer as his mind takes him further away. right as his feet are about to slip from the edge, he feels arms wrapping around him and pulling him away from his escape. he thrashes against the voice, but he can feel himself being dragged back over the rail and closer to the road.

there's the sound of a car door opening and he feels himself getting shoved into a seat. he has at least half a mind to look and see who's fighting to strap his seatbelt in and he's met with shaggy brown hair and eyes laced with concern. if he didn't feel so numb right now he would possibly find this man attractive, but he doesn't because he's in this man's car instead of feeling his head smash into the concrete he'd been craving. it's just another reason that life doesn't agree with him, he thinks. the last thing he remembers is hoping that at least he's going to be tortured to death by this attractive man who has the audacity to run his hands through jisung's hair like he cares. he can hear the man humming to some katy perry sounding bullshit, fingers laced into jisung's hair, and the voice paired with the soothing motions of the man petting him like a damn dog sends him to sleep.

IV.

jisung wakes up pissed the fuck off and he's got two valid reasons to be as pissed as he is: one, he's woken up in some random dude's house in the middle of god knows where with absolutely no idea how to get home and two, he's woken up. that fact alone pisses him off to no end because it means that all those plans he'd had for last night have gone to waste. his mood only worsens when the stranger from last night opens the door to check on him. it irks him. why does this person he's known for less than 12 hours look more worried than everyone else in his life, people that he's known for years?