Shit post

Im falling apart.....

So I have mentioned in pass chapters that I had to go to a week of therapy well here's why I've been ok this summer other than minor family and friends drama but that week was the worst I just fell apart one moment I was laughing at simplest things or I wasn't sleeping then the next I'm crying uncontrollably with trying to smile I'm trying to keep everything together and the stress from it is very alarming to my health mental and physical so about three maybe four days before my week of therapy I wasn't eating anymore I said that I wanted weight loss this summer well I became depressed and told myself that I was too weak to even do that correctly at first it was just cut back on snacking then it was one meal per day then water and maybe one half slice of toast I never forced the food back up but it was getting to me pretty badly and that's when I started to unravel my whole world was falling apart and there was no one to keep me from seeing that o was unraveling there was no one to say you've been doing too much take a break do something fun or relaxing it was constantly house chores my small job of babysitting for money it was take care of the animals it was never take care of yourself it was always do as you are told and I was following everyone else's instructions on how to live rather than my own and it broke me down really badly so my father was the one to get a therapist to come to our house and talk to me everyday she would stop by and tell me did you sleep did you have fun did I do anything I enjoyed today and at first I would say no because I wouldn't do any of those things I was always sticking to schedule and finally I got better I learned that I just need to be my age for a little while longer o was trying to grow up when I'm not even close to doing that yet I just needed to stop and breathe to enjoy being in the present rather than fretting over the past and trying to prepare for a future that is still too far away to be ready for that's what has been going on with the updates and myself I just had to let you guys know

That's all for now I'll see you all in the next shitpost laterrrrrrrrrrrr