42.) Why is there a knife through my wall?
49.) hurray, now that he's back can I go back to bed?
12.) do I have any chance with you?
14.) you sir, are a bigger idiot then I thought.
Kat
It was close to two am when Tony hauled everyone in the compound into the debriefing room. Half asleep, and thoroughly exhausted from new training drills you ambled in wearing a tank and very short shorts. You glared at every man in the room daring them to saying anything about your current attire. The big deal was Steve had returned from an intelligence gathering mission, and new tasks would be delegated out.
When Steve walked in he looked as throughly tired as the rest of you. His hair that was normally neatly combed was in state of disarray, his clothes were wrinkled and he had bags under his eyes. You yawned, curled up the uncomfortable wooden chair shivering slightly.
"All right team let's be quick." Tony clipped, you swore the man never slept and had a caffeinated iv drip.
Steve leaned over and whispered something to Tony, who in turn let out an exasperated sigh. He looked over at Steve raising his eye, and then whispered back. You could feel your exhaustion roll over in pure annoyance, as this continued. After Steve leaned back, his face tense as he obviously was having a hushed argument with the man you had had enough.
"Hurray, he's back, can I go back to bed now?" Your irritation dripping from every word as you glared at the two of them.
"Excuse me?" Tony asked, his eyes narrowing at you.
"I get wanting to give out everyone their assignments as soon as possible, but two am in the flipping morning is getting a bit ridiculous." You replied curtly, feeling anger flush up in your face as every head was turned to you.
It was a well known fact that you didn't sleep well, you had random nightmares that were somehow brought on by being around people with tense backgrounds. Somehow catching snippets of their lives at the worst moments. You knew everything about your teammates with them having to utter a single world, cause of this you would go days on end not sleeping only finally relenting when you could no longer stand on your own two feet.
"And since the two of you are obviously having a lovers quarrel, I'd much rather go lay back down and hopefully catch a few more hours of sleep." You snapped, no body moved or made a sound as you and Tony had a stare down.
"I have to agree with y/n," Steve finally spoke up, you could hear the tiredness in his voice as he spoke. "This can wait till morning, when everyone, myself included, have had some rest."
You didn't wait for any other objection before you stood and left. It was one of quirks you had that drove the iron tin can crazy, you only took orders from one person. You didn't need to have more then one person in charge, it only clouded missions and judgment when there was more then one voice of authority. Captain Rogers always had a plan, and everyone turned to him, so naturally in your eyes he was the leader.
You returned to your room, slamming the door. Before going and flopping on it, throwing the covers over your head. You shut your eyes, trying to will sleep to come and take you away. It was too late though the three hours you had slept was enough sleep for your brain to pull memories from the people in the compound. Visions of gun fire, lifeless bodies strewn about bullet ridden halls, the hopeless feeling of working on your own.
Then the kid, no older then ten smooth soft face daring for moment jumped out, bombs tightly secured around his small chest and detonator in his hand. You shook your head violently, forcing yourself to wake back up. Your heart was palpating, it's fast irregular heart beat making it difficult to breath. Your body was covered in thick layer sweat, as it trembled.
You cussed under your breath, looking at the digital read out on the clock that rested on your night stand. Four am. You threw back the covers and left your room, you wandered down to the kitchen giving up on sleep. You turned the coffee maker on, still seeing the child in your head. His honey brown eyes so full of hate and fear, just a child fighting a man's war. You hadn't even realized you had grabbed the knife till you slammed it into the wall, burying it hilt deep.
You finished making your coffee and went to sit on one of the kitchen chairs. You envied the rest of the team, for the most part sleep didn't elude them like it did you. Sure, they all had nightmares, but at least their demons were their own and not someone else's.
"Hey." Steve's voice called out as he entered the kitchen area.
You looked up, he had a soft tired smile on his face as he walked over to the pot of coffee. He poured himself a cup before coming over and sitting next to you.
"Hey." You replied softly sipping on your cup, Steve looked around for moment. You could sense he wanted to talk but you didn't want to pry.
"Why is there a knife through my wall?" He asked, slowly tilting his head to look and the object.
"People are idiots, that's why." You clipped back, Steve turned his head look at you, his brows pinched together. "Someone's memory."
"What was it about?" He asked softly, looking down at his cup.
"A kid, maybe ten, turned suicide bomber." You sighed, rubbing your hands through your hair.
"Sorry." He whispered just barely audible.
"Not your fault, it's societies." You shrugged reaching over placing your hand on his arm.
Steve looked over to you, deep blue eyes meeting yours. He gently rested his hand on yours.
"Still, it was my memory you had to bare." He said, watching your face intently. "And for that I'm sorry."
"Steve, we've had this conversation, no need to apologize for it. You can't help it, just like I can't help it." You sighed heavily. "I couldn't imagine having to face something like on my own, or making whatever decision you had to. I wish there was way to help, so you don't feel so lonely doing it."
"What do you mean?" He questioned, shifting a bit to face you better.
"I don't know if you've realized this but I can feel your feeling when I have nightmares of your memories. And it's such an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness." You explain, looking down at your coffee while trying to think of the right words. "Sure, there are traces of fear, and pain but.. you don't need to feel that hopeless feeling of loneliness."
"It's just.. you know when you told me, how when you got here you kind of shied away from everyone cause you felt weird, like you didn't belong cause you are so vastly different from of the rest of us." He asked you, your head nodded slowly waiting for him to finish. "It's kind of like that, we've all been through so much together but at the same time.."
"Nobody will truly understand what you've been through?" You smiled at him, Steve smiled back and nodded. "Steve, I've been in your head more then I think you understand. I know and have felt what you've been through. The fear of losing Bucky, and Peggy, the terrifying moment you crashed the ship into the ice. The confusion of waking in the future, the anger at always being call upon for war. Out everyone here, understand more then most."
"I do have a question for you, kind of place but." He asked, you watched as the man bit his bottom lip. "Do I have any chance with you? It's something I've been asking myself for a while, cause sometimes I think.. that maybe.."
"You sir, are a bigger idiot then I thought." You chuckled, patting his arm. "I only come out of my room like this, because you're home and I hope you'll come out. I stay in my room when you're not here."
Steve chuckled to himself, nodding as he looked at the table. He ran his hand over the back of his neck before looking back over at you.
"Maybe, we should go out for dinner sometime." He suggested.
"How does tonight sound?"
