Broken Wings

Yoongi

It was raining pretty hard and I let out a sigh, knowing full well I knew it was going to rain and still forgot my umbrella. Yet, while being a little upset with myself for forgetting my umbrella on the rainiest day of the year, I smile knowing I would not have used the contraption had I brought it or not. I loved the rain. The smell was calming and it was something good to get me through. I didn’t even mind getting wet. There was something almost poetic about being soaked in water that had just fallen to Earth once again, only to return to the skies again not 24 hours later. Or maybe I just love science, either way the thought was romantic.
    I step off my college campus ready to walk back to my apartment, weary because of the part of town it was in. I got into this college on a scholarship but they refused me to let me use any for a dorm and all the jobs I was able to get couldn’t pay for it. I happily walk in the rain. I tried my best to keep positive and find the good in everything, finding solace in the little things. I find myself smiling as I walk, holding the straps of my backpack. My blonde hair darkening with each water droplet, then slowly my black and white floral sweater slowing began to get wet. The puddles I would practically jump in soaked my tan boots and the bollom cuffs of my black jeans. I couldn’t care less though, I was living my best life.
    I was American and learned Korean on my own at a young age and moved to South Korea when I was 18. I wasn’t really feeling than American life anymore. I wanted to experience something new, different and I found most Asian cultures to be wonderful and beautiful and when it came down to South Korea and Japan, well you know what I chose. I am here on an overseas trip to study abroad, and maybe even stay here if I end up liking it. So far, I am just the odd American which is to be expected. I can hear everyone’s thoughts on me even when they think I cannot hear them. They find me and every other exchange student extremely odd. Not sure if they would even interact with us if they didn’t need to on the rare occasion.
    The same could be said on the street. I know there are plenty of stares but I just continue on happily, the rain lending me strength. I stop at a light, waiting for the sign to change so I can walk. I am mostly home but this is when my guard had to be up seeing as this was all I could afford close enough to the school and saying it is a bad area is an understatement. I take a deep breath, carefully analyzing my surroundings, keeping my distance from every person I see.
Before I even notice him, someone is standing next to me, shoulder touching mine. I notice the rain has stopped. I cautiously look up. There is a man there. He looked to be in his 20’s, was taller than I was, which wasn’t hard since I am only 5’2”. He had light mint green hair and the look on his face said this was annoying and I cannot help but wonder why he wanted to even help me in the first place. Honestly, I didn’t feel like finding out so without saying a word I carefully reestablish a little distance.
“Hey, do you want to catch a cold blondie?” He asks me the second I move away. Lucky guess on the Korean there though.
“I am fine,” I reply politely, scared of the repercussion. “I appreciate the gesture but I will be okay.” I stare at the light, praying that it would change soon.
I hear the man sigh, “Take the umbrella them, at the very least princess.” He hands the clear contraption my way, persistent that I take it from him.
“Why does it bother you so bad that I am out in the rain? It doesn’t affect you if I get sick. Just me really since I take care of myself and my hygiene and wear a mask so no one else will get sick, not to mention you don’t know me and probably will never see me again, so what is the catch here?” I really find myself worried about his attentions until I finally look him in the eyes and there was something almost calming in them, sincere, reading completely different compared to the hoarse and uncaring voice I was hearing before.
Finally getting a good look at his face, he was really handsome. He looked younger, his cheeks a little chubby but not much, with high cheekbones, bangs falling into his eyes. He was paler than most yet still tan compared to me. His figure was so small and I had to wonder if he ate enough. He honestly looked tired.
He shrugs to my question as I take him in, analyzing his features, really trying to come up with a solid, fair first impression. “I don’t have a reason, just saw you and felt like it.”
I am even more confused now as I watch him look me up and down, taking in how soaked I was and finally locking eyes with me. “You’re actually kind of cute,” he states plainly.
I am not even sure how to react aside from the involuntary blush of my cheeks. I, for a while, sit there like an idiot with my mouth gaped open a little.  He tilts his head slightly, smirking, obviously loving my reaction. I furrow my brow, a little annoyed he was toying with me and finding so much enjoyment from it.
Finally the light changes but I find myself lost in thought, lost in his eyes. I felt ridiculous. I literally just ran into this guy, so what about him fascinated me so much? His looks? How cocky he was? The fact he approached me first? Could it be the situation within the gorgeous rainy atmosphere? I could not even figure out my own feelings.
“How many girls have you picked up with that one?” I finally question, sounding like I was good even though 404 errors were running throughout my head.
He inhales sharply, holding a hand to his heart and fakes a pained expression. “You cut me deep jagi.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Pet names already? You’ve only just met me.
“Well I don’t have anything else to call you.”
Cars begin to speed past us again. I pull off my backpack to grab my phone from the pocket I had placed it in to protect it from the rain just in case this guy really did end up being a creep and I needed to alert the authorities when a car speeds past a puddle, splashing and completely drenching my entire back. Well if today could just stop, that would be great. I fight back tears, still trying to stay positive.
The mint haired boy in front of my must have noticed how I was feeling as he pulls off his long army green coat throwing it over my shoulders, then picking up my backpack from the ground and slinging it over his shoulder. “Alright princess, I live across the street, you kind of have a situation, why don’t you come dry your clothes at my place?”
“Because I am a tiny American who knows no one in all of South Korea and we are in the worst part of town. Oh! Not to mention, I am not stupid so I am going to have to pass on this one.”
“Well, I am going to need my coat back then,” he says, frowning. I pass it over to him gladly and hold out my hand for my backpack. He pretends not to notice and knowing I have my phone at the very least, I turn with a huff, walking away.
“Black is pretty plain isn’t it?” He calls after me as I stand at the light again.
I turn and give him a confused look. “That white is pretty showy when it is all drenched like that.”
It takes me a moment before I remember the simple black bra that I was wearing. “Well if someone would just give me my backpack then I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone noticing,” I respond clearly annoyed.
He shrugs and when the light finally changes he just walks past me, my backpack still strung over his shoulder. I sigh and follow him across the street. “If you try anything I will kill you,” I threaten, following him up the stairs towards his apartment building.
“I get all the ladies remember? If you didn’t want me, I would have just went to find someone else who is normal.” He pulls out his keys as we reach a door labeled 203.
I peer in as he opens the door and walks in. “Can I at least know you name before you have me come in and possibly kill me.”
“Min Yoongi and I am not within the hobby of killing pretty ladies, or anyone for that matter. Now, are you going to just stand out there soaking wet like that? My neighbor is kind of a creep and he will just love the sight of you out there with your wet sweater.”
“Your neighbor is the creep,” I ask, entering the apartment. It is cleaner than what I imagined it. I take off my soaking wet socks and boots as he hands me a couple of clean towels. I wrap them around myself and walk past him in the entryway to look around. To my immediate left is the kitchen, in front of me, the living room, and to the right, a small hallway. I take it all in but shiver as the AC hits me. Yoongi laughs as he shuts it off for me.
“Well, now that you are here, what do you think? Still think I am crazy?”
“I can’t tell just by seeing your apartment, besides, there is a lot that you can hide.”
He sighs. “I guess you’re right.” He walks past me and down the hallway into his bedroom, leaving the door open enough for me to snoop.The room was also pretty clean. Not spotless, but it just looked lived in. He walks over to the dresser pulling out a pair of black sweats, a black long sleeve shirt, and a pair of clean black socks. He chuckles as he catches me and opens the door further. “It's kind of a mess but you’re free to look.”
I blush, embarrassed but being as curious as I was, I brush past him to see a normal room. A bed with normal black sheets, an older TV, the obvious dresser and clothes on the floor around a hamper. It was honestly pretty empty feeling. He leans against the door frame and watches as I take everything in, smiling at me. I let out a sigh, “So far you seem pretty normal.”
He gives me a gummy smile, handing me the change of clothes. “You can take a bath or a shower if you want. I don’t have any conditioner. I haven’t really had any females over lately,” he says, continuing the joke from earlier.
“Thank you,” I respond, sheepishly accepting the stack of clothes. “I wouldn’t mind a shower if you don’t mind.”
“Of course that is okay jagi,” he is still smiling brightly at me. He honestly had the most adorable little smile and I hide my face behind the clothes to hide my blushing.
“Cyndal, my name is Cyndal.” I peek back up over the clothes a little, totally scolding myself mentally for being so shy. I mean this handsome man in front of me calling me cute names and the more normal I found him to be, the more romantic and cliche him forcing me to follow him to his apartment seemed.
“Cyndal,” he responds thoughtfully. Something about the way he says my name sends spark flying in my stomach causing my heart to race. “I like it, it’s really beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I say as he points me to the bathroom, clutching the clothes tighter.
“I’ll come get your wet clothes and throw them in the dryer okay?” He says, closing the door.
I just give him a light no, turning towards the tub. I let the water run until I found it warm enough before letting the showerhead run. It wasn’t too bad of an apartment. The neighborhood around it is what made it so cheap. Unlike mine, which is deeper in the neighbourhood.
I begin to take off my jeans, neatly folding them and placing them on one of the towels Yoongi gave me, next my sweater. I do the same, folding it neatly and stacking it on top of my jeans. I didn’t want to seem like a slob, because, well, I wasn’t much of one. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I didn’t even think that he would have to handle my undergarments. The thought makes me blush a little before my eyes fall upon an all too familiar scar on my right side, just under my rib cage. I really hadn’t thought of my past since I moved to America, but I avoid situations warranting me to have to look at myself in the mirror.
I lose myself in all the memories for a second, missing the knock on the bathroom door, not to mention it opening. Yoongi steps into the bathroom. At first he is surprised and is about to apologize when his eyes fall upon the deep scar among the many others on my body. “Cyndal,” he says lightly, walking towards me cautiously. I snap out of it and wipe away a tear.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asks, concern clear in his voice. For some reason, even though I should be embarrassed, I find more comfort in those amber eyes of his. He is genuine and his eyes are filled with sorrow. He doesn’t question like most people do. “My mom…” I begin to say before I am interrupted by a finger being placed lightly on my lips.
“Shh, it's okay. You don’t have to explain. Why don’t you get in the shower and I will make you some coffee okay?” He smiles at me and I nod.
After he leaves I finish undressing myself, placing the wet clothes just outside the door, then finally getting into the shower, drinking up the warmth of the water. I don’t mean to but I end up taking a good 20-25 minute shower and come out a little dazed and lost in thought. I find my underwear along with the pile of Yoongi’s clothes, nice and dry. He must have done them first so I would have them. I smile at the thoughtfulness and slip them back on after drying myself off with the new dry towels he left for me, throwing my hair up into a bun once I finish dressing.
Everything was pretty baggy on me, to be expected, and I find it to be the most comfortable clothes I have worn in my life.
As I leave the bathroom I find all the lights turned on along with the TV which is on a random cable channel. I look to find Yoongi in the kitchen making food.
He notices I am out and turns to face me. “Feel better?” He gleams.
I smile and tilt my head to the side, “yes, thank you so much.” I bow my head a little in appreciation.
“Sorry about how big those are on you. I didn’t think you were that small and I really don’t have anything else.”
“No need to apologize, I appreciate. Really.” I find my way to the couch and sit in the middle with my legs crossed.
Yoongi approaches me, handing me my coffee which I happily accept, hands covered by the long sleeves of the oversized shirt. I sip hum a little as I sip it.
“You really are cute,” Yoongi muses with light chuckle. “What I said before, I meant it. Even with your just showered hair and mascara under your eyes, in my extra baggy clothes.”
I stare up at him in disbelief. “Now do you mean that in a creepy, ‘I want to kill and preserve your gorgeous skin’ kind of way?”
“Why would I let you use my precious hot water, make you coffee, let you wear my favorite lounge clothes, and make you soup just to kill you?”
“You want me to be happy and trust you in my final moments? Something cliche like that.”
He laughs a little going back to the kitchen, grabbing two bowls of soup and handing one of them to me. “May I?” he asks, gesturing to the seat next to me.
I nod my head and he sits next to me. I sip the soup even though the thought he could have drugged it still happened to cross my mind.
“Holy shit, this is good!” I accidentally yell out in english extremely impressed.
He laughs. “You are adorable.”
“Stop making me blush,” I reply with a light pout with indeed rosey cheeks. No one had ever called me such things. I wasn’t even sure how I should react. “Besides, you make it seem like you have never seen another girl before. Trust me when I say you could have lured another much prettier girl into your apartment with ease.”
He studies my face as I stare at my soup, a little solemnly as I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I really found this guy attractive, maybe he was a little creepy on the approach but I can feel that he genuinely cares beyond those stone cold eyes. I could see all this on a first impression basis. “But you are the prettiest, and you were soaking wet. My own damsel in distress,” he teases.
I glare at him. “I was fine and definitely was enjoying the rain, asshole.”
“Are you sure,” he asks in a singsong voice, shrugging. “Maybe it was just because you caught my eye a while back and it looked like the perfect opportunity to approach you.”
“So you have been stalking me then?” I state matter-of-factly.
“You really think I am a creep don’t you?” He is clearly annoyed with me.
“You can never be too careful. I am here though. You seem alright to me I guess,” I mumble the last part.
He smiles lightly and turns back to the TV.
I finish my soup and get up to wash my bowl. Yoongi practically leaps off of the couch. “Don’t worry about Cyndal, I will take care of it.” He takes the bowl from me and I a kind of in awe about how nice he was being. Either he really liked me and was telling the truth or he could always be plotting or hiding something. Then again, there is the possibility that he just feels sympathetic towards me since he saw all of my scars. I just decide to go with it. I am here for a good time, not a long time, am I right? I should take more risks in Korea. What have I really gotta lose at this point?
“I could have dont it Yoongi-ah,” I mumble. He turns around after finishing the dishes. He studies my face once again as I look more towards his feet, averting his gaze.
To my surprise he pulls my chin up so that our eyes meet. “I know that, but I couldn’t let such a pretty lady do something like that when I was here to do it.”
I begin to wonder even more if seeing my scar bothered him. “Yoongi-ah, I think you probably noticed, being my stalker and all, I don’t really have any friends here in Korea. I have been here two years and no one has ever approached me of their own free will with decent intent anyways. On top of that, the few friends that I had in America lost touch and,” I stop to take a deep breath, knowing that I am rambling and fighting tears. “Well, I have something that has been bothering me and I was wondering if you could lend an ear.” I am not sure why but something about Yoongi made me want to open up about everything. I wring my fingers with each other, nervous for an answer.
He smiles and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I flinch a little, not expecting it. He chuckles a little and find myself leaning into his hand. “I would love to listen to anything you had to say.”
He leads me back to the living room from the kitchen and we sit back on the couch. He turns the TV off and leans back, ready to soak up every word that I had to say.
I lift the shirt up enough to show the large scar again. Yoongi brushes his fingertips on it and I shiver a little at his cold hands. He studies it as if he could somehow find a way to take away the scar and anything having to do with it. As if staring at it long enough could make everything better. “I got this three years ago just before I decided to move to Korea,” I begin, causing him to jump a little at my sudden speaking. He meets my gaze and prepares himself for what I am going to say. I find myself looking at the scar with resentment and distaste as I continue, “My mother, back in America is an alcoholic and at first we all ignored how bad it was. Eventually drinking enough mad she would throw the glass bottles at me and they would cut my skin. That became her favorite thing and eventually she would do it on purpose whenever she felt like it. She would take a razor to my the skin on my stomach and back and laugh as the blood trickled down.” I put my shirt down, looking up at Yoongi who is looking at me like we are the only two things in existence. I let out a sigh. “There was plenty more that she did physically and emotionally but it kept her away from my baby sister so that kept me going. I fell into a deep depression and when I finally turned 18 I went out to get the medication my mother denied me, telling me that I was fine and it was stupid. That I was never depressed and to get over it. When she found out that I went behind her back to get the meds, she found it necessary to grab a kitchen knife and test it out on me. She was mesmerized by the experience or something and pushed the knife in as far as she could, leaving me there while she went to go to the bathroom and grab another beer. Talk about perfect timing because my aunt was finally able to intervene and brought the police. My sister ended up safe with her dad and obviously I am okay. I was rushed to the hospital and my mom is in rehab. I just remember laying on the bedroom floor after she stabbed me and thinking that it wouldn’t be so bad if that was the end of me. But now I am in South Korea and staying positive.” I find the words pouring out of my mouth before I can even process what I was saying.
“Hey,” Yoongi says with that soothing voice of his. “I know depression and I know shit parents.” He boops my nose lightly. “Everything is over now. You are okay and I am okay and everything is going to be okay.” He pulls me into a tight embrace, throwing my legs over his lap, one arm around my waist and the other around my neck. I can’t help but hug him back and I find myself nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck.
“Sorry if this seems bold,” he whispers in my ear, holding me tighter. “But hearing all of that, I had to hold you.”
I find myself conflicted. Usually things moving fast scares me, but already his arms felt like home. Without realizing it my arms tighten around his waist and tears begin to fall from my eyes. Yoongi lightly rubs my back, obviously noticing. I can’t help but just let it all out. I am sobbing and eventually find myself hyperventilating.
“Shh,” he murmurs over and over again, rocking me back and forth, holding me as close to him as possible. “It's going to be okay,” he says, kissing my head softly.
Finally, thinking about my mom had me depressed. The whole time everything was happening, I never cried except for when it ended and I have kind of placed it in the back of my mind since then. Maybe I only confided in Yoongi because he just happened to be there or maybe he could be meant for me in some sort of cliche light. At that moment, I couldn’t exactly say that I cared but for the first time in my life I felt safe, secure and it was in the arms of this man that I had just met.
I pull away from him, wiping away my tears. He watches, probably unsure of what to do. “Thank you,” I say, breaking the silence. “I needed to cry about that. I never really have.” He smiles in response, worry still filling his eyes.
“Thank you for letting me help,” he says. I tilt my head to lean on his shoulder and sniffle.
“Do you think you could hold me a little longer?” I ask, hiding my face in the crook of his neck, embarrassed at the request.
“I was about to ask the same thing,” he responds to my surprise. My face must be bright red, I can’t help it. Why is this guy that I have just met making me feel like this? Never have I felt anything like this towards anyone.
Before I know it, through the silence, the feeling of Yoongi’s chest rising and falling, his hands scratching my head lightly, the smell of his cologne,  and with the soothing sound of his heartbeat, I fall asleep.
I wake to find myself still in Yoongi’s arms, him asleep, still holding my waist lightly. He was even attractive when he was sleeping. What does a guy like him want with a girl like me? On the surface, I am far from pretty and everything is so broken and rattled up, there is too much fixing that needs to be done. I am average in school. I am stubborn. I really have all the traits of someone undesirable. I am surprised he is still even here after learning about my mom and my past. What is it with him? I can’t think straight.
Just as I begin debating what to do, leave or whatever, Yoongi groans and pulls me close again. “Good morning Jagi.” His morning voice is hoarse and deep. He doesn’t even open his eyes.
“Good morning,” I barely squeak out. I am blushing like crazy again. I seriously can’t help it. I have to admit, as strange and scary the feeling he gave me was, I loved every second of it.
“Do you have anything to do this morning?” He yawns and stretches without letting me go.
I shake my head. “I don’t have class today and I don’t have work until tonight.”
“Do you like pancakes,” he asks, opening one eye to look at me. I was infatuated with how perfect he looked so early in the morning and then I remember I was still cuddled up to him. I quickly try to move off of him but he keeps his grip on my waist pulling his head in the crook of my neck.
“Don’t go yet,” he begs. I can’t understand him.
“Why me?” I ask. “You are handsome and charming, not to mention wise and caring and I can pick that up within 12 hours of meeting you. You could find someone a million times more attractive and put together, yet you went with the mediocre and after one night you are begging her to stay. I don’t understand,” I admit, furrowing my eyebrows, yet finding myself wanting to wrap my arms around him. I don’t even understand myself.
“Because a year ago, when you first caught my eye, I couldn’t help but think you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” he starts, pulling his face away to face me. “I thought, that girl, I don’t know why, but I am drawn to her. She has to be the one. Finally I found an opening to talk to you and I couldn’t help but force you to get to know me, so I brought you home and got to know you instead.” He looks away, laughing nervously and rubbing the back of his neck, kind of a turn on for me.
My breath hitches in my throat as he continues. “And hearing your story or a good part of it as it seems, I couldn’t help but wonder if I may have found someone to understand me and I started to fall in love with the actual person that you are. Hearing about you and being able to be the one to hold you while you let out your emotions actually made me happier than I have been in a long time.” He looks back at me.
Me eye are wide with surprise. I don’t know how to feel. Weirded out? Flattered? Surprised? Should I be more cautious or allow myself to fall head over heels? But he was saying such sweet things with such a sincere look on his face. I couldn’t stop myself. I lean in close to him and place my lips gently on his. My heart was pounding of course but it all felt right. More like everything having to do with him felt right. I felt at home, something I had never experienced.
He kisses back, not hesitating a second but leaves the pace to me. I am slow but passionate but pull away quickly.
“So does that mean you will stay?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
I giggle a little. “Only because you asked.”