Ours [harry styles] ✓

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"How are you feeling today?" Ele asked, striding through the lounge with her laundry basket. 

"Fine."

"Liar." She glared at me before disappearing into the utility room. 

Unfortunately, and once again, Elenore was right. Since I had called off things with Harry I'd felt nothing but miserable. I had, however, been completely panic attack free. After pulling up outside my flat following the disastrous events of our date, Harry hadn't said a word. I'd leant over to kiss him on the cheek, feeling that it was the least I could do considering the circumstances, but he'd squirmed away not making eye contact with me once. I had been surprised at how much his rejection had hurt me, despite rejecting him myself only minutes beforehand. In my eyes my decision had been the right one. If I was healthy, comfortable and confident then so was Nola. Even if my relationship with Harry had to be a sacrifice for that, it was still the right thing to do. Anything that was right by our daughter was the right thing to do. I'd ended up leaving the car in silence, feeling more awkward around Harry than I ever had. It had been as though he'd shut down as soon as he was over his emotional breakdown, almost as if he thought I no longer deserved to know how he was feeling. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't stop thinking about the days that had followed either.

Harry had, quite immaturely, begun to call Elenore's phone whenever he wanted to speak to Nola. I'd sat with her and waited while she babbled to him, expecting her to pass me the phone once Harry asked for me towards the end. But it never happened. The calls would end and Elenore would take the phone back, shrugging at me innocently every time. My call log and text message conversations with him became distant memories and non-existent. I felt side lined.

The worst came when I arranged for us to meet with a family lawyer to discuss the custody and birth certificate situation. I'd wanted to meet Harry outside and talk things through with him first, see why he was shutting me out completely, but as soon as he'd arrived he'd marched indoors, not even giving me a sideways glance. I'd ended up walking into the lawyer's office with the sting of rejection visible like a red mark slapped across my face.  Even worse was that not once did he speak directly to me. He'd just sat there, bolt upright in the faux leather armchair, dramatically dressed in all black with a scarf and boots to match, and agreed with everything that was said:

a) He'd be listed as the father on Nola's birth certificate

b) He'd be allowed to see Nola whenever his tour schedule was free

c) He paid Child Maintenance monthly

d) He got a say in Nola's schooling

And then his own suggestion:

e) He paid for Nola to have private health care until she turned eighteen

I'd wanted him to turn to me and ask me for my opinions, ask me for my own ideas and comment on what I had to say, but aside from his own suggestion and the repetitive 'yes', he said nothing at all. The tension between us had practically been visible like some sort of electric current, buzzing out of my body and straight into his. The lawyer had squirmed under our awkwardness on more than one occasion, throwing me frantic glances every now and then in the hope that I would pry something more in depth out of Harry. It had been the most uncomfortable and yet straight forward ninety minutes of my life. 

I'd tried to catch up with him as we'd left, hurrying after him down the corridors of the huge building we'd found ourselves in. He hadn't even bothered to stop and say goodbye, despite clearly being aware of my frantic footsteps behind him. I'd stood and watched as he'd thrown himself into his car as if some sort of stalker had been after him, bringing his car to life in a matter of seconds and driving away. My stomach had churned at the fact that he'd been so desperate to get away from me. So eager to avoid any form of communcation.