The Last Picture (a Tom Hiddleston Fanfic)

Tied Ropes & New Starts

If I had to describe my childhood in one word, it would be... hectic. I was born in the St Thomas Hospital on the second of July in 1991. During the first seconds of my life as a newborn baby, complete chaos already embraced me. My mother, Elizabeth Davies, who was fighting for her life trying to save me from being put into care, cried, yelled, and even attacked the doctors. Shouting against them as she promised to take care of me. She tried to tie the ropes together, to make some excuse for herself hoping that they would take me back to her. But her rope had long since perished. She was a drug addict, unemployed, and lived in a narrow apartment in Camberwell with my father, William. 

My father worked as an electrician in his early days but soon after he found out that he had bipolar disorder, he had become incapacitated and lost his job. Sometimes he wanted to kill himself in which my mother had to help him get on the right path again and at other times there were moments of pure happiness where he would buy her flowers or take her out to dinner with the money they had left. There was no balance in my parents' life and my mother knew she would lose me when she heard she was pregnant.

The doctors immediately took me into care right after the brutal fight with my mom. The old orphanage house, The Hubert House, is located in Westminster. From the first moment I was born until I became 6 years old, it was, and still is, a blank page. There were only two things that always stayed in my head like a blurry memory. I remembered one morning someone woke me up, it was Claire, my caretaker. She was like a second mother to me.

Claire told me she needed to tell me something about my parents. She was sitting at my bedside with a troublesome look on her face. I sat upright, grabbing my stuffed lion plush and wrangled my arms around it as if I knew what she would say next. I always worried about my parents, I had hoped for every goddamn morning Claire would run into my room saying that my parents were here to pick me up. But that hope disappeared like snow in the sun as Claire explained that my parents went to a quiet and happy place together.

I couldn't identify the word "death" as it never confronted me. I think after Claire had told me that my parents had died, I fell into a pit... without a rope. If my mother had tied those two ropes together, if she did not use drugs and sink into that pit which dragged me along with it, then we still could have climbed back to the top. Yes, mom, we could've done it. But no, I was far gone. Sitting on the bottom of a pit as everyone looked down at me. How I came back to the top? Well, I never did, not entirely.

Claire was the only support I had at that time, and she was the one who threw the rope into the pit. Because she believed in me. She believed that I could come back on my feet again. Claire was the one who took me under her wing and she was my only motivation to climb out of that horrible time. I wanted to make her proud because I had no other idea where I needed to hold my life onto.

When I was 13 years old, I had so many questions about my parents, but the first question on my list was how did they die? I walked over to Claire one day as I tried to speak about the one thing I always feared speaking of.

"Claire?" I muttered.

"Yes, Leah?" Claire said, scanning my face as she knew I was going to say something difficult.

"How—" I swallowed hard as I felt a sore pain in my throat. My sight began to blurry with tears.

"Leah come sit down for a moment," Claire replied as she sat down on the sofa and tapped her palm on the seat next to her.

We had those long, never-ending conversations. I liked Claire despite the fact that once we started a conversation, it was very hard to make her hush up. Claire told me she knew that this time would come, that I would have questions about my parents' death. She also said to me she would be honest by telling what had happened. I still have that face of Claire in my head. Her frizzy ginger hair covering most of her face. The saddening look in her blue eyes started to reveal much more than words could have ever done. There was a long silence of horror. She eventually lifted her hands up and placed them on top of mine and began rubbing my knuckles.

"Leah, your parents..." Claire sighed with her head bowing down. Her voice sounding croaky.

"Just tell me, Claire, it is okay," I replied. Claire looked up and we both locked eyes. She was a bit surprised by my reply.

After another cold silence, she started speaking.

"Elizabeth... she had been put into jail as she was found guilty of robbery and died three days later of a heart attack," Claire answered. I knew she tried to look at me if I was pouring with tears, but no, none of that. I was staring at the red rug that was laying on the ground. I stared at it emotionless without blinking. Claire continues.

"William... He committed suicide once he found out your mother was gone. He jumped in front of a train at the Waterloo train station."

Okay well, now I was crying yes, of course, I was. I never knew what happened to them and now the ugly truth had been revealed. A part of me was relieved by knowing how they died, but the other part where I still had a glimpse of hope to see them doesn't exist anymore. I know, I know... I just didn't want to admit that they were really gone for good. Claire bent over me and held me in a tight hug as she whispered in my ear that she will always watch over me. She vowed that to me.

Though it was hard for me to accept my parent's death, the sun swiftly shone on my life again. This was the second thing I remember from my childhood. One day while we were eating breakfast, Claire stormed into the living room with a bright smile.

"Leah! Leah! I've got something for you!" Claire smiled as she gave a paper to me.

I looked at Claire with a cracked smile, then I fixated my eyes upon the paper and began reading it.

Dear Mrs. Wilson,

The Herbert House have provided your name as a character reference that can attest to their suitability as adoptive parents of Leah Davies. We would appreciate your response in a timely fashion to the enclosed questionnaire. Please be as thorough as possible, citing examples of your observations, if appropriate. We can assure you that any information you provide on this form will be kept in the strictest confidence. You will not be named as the source of any information which you provide and your confidentiality will be carefully protected.

Kind regards,