<Nicky's POV>
The taste of minty toothpaste overwhelmed my senses as I stood in front of my mirror and stared at my almost dead-looking self. How could I let myself get dragged into all of this again? Although turning back into the old Nicky had been quite enjoyable for a few days. Well, actually until Lorna reminded me of all the reasons to not go back. She really had to ruin everything for me.
After Lorna had preached about seeing Vause again, I had gathered all of my willpower and somehow found the strength to properly clean the living room as well as the garden, which had been covered in cigarettes and empty bottles.
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I uncomfortably stepped down the wooden stairs into the basement of Caleb. For days I haven't contacted anyone of the gang, putting myself in a very awkward situation. But Lorna was right, I was going to end up hurting myself the most.
As I knocked on the door and stepped in, the whole room froze. Everyone just stared at me in disbelief, causing me to regret my decision. What was I thinking?
Before I could continue to curse myself for entering this room, Vause stepped towards me, embracing me in a playful hug. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a tighter hug. For the first time, I could actually smell the marzipan scent of which Piper had told me about. Chuckling about the thought, I heard a raspy voice growling.
"Who is she?"
I raised my head, staring at ocean blue eyes of an unfamiliar face. Her slim figure was dominantly laying on the couch, her feet propped up on the desk where a pile of cards was laid out. Probably, Texas Hold'em. Her hair was a little lighter than mine, but still had a ginger tone to it, making her appear a lot like me. Apart from the hair, the way she displayed her dominance in this group, holding the cigarette between her lips, her eyes still staring at her cards while talking to me, I could find a lot of similarities between us. Well, the 80s bangs and glasses threw me off a little, but still, she was smoking hot.
"I'm Satan," I grinned at her, crossing the arms over my chest.
"Uh- Nicky. Yes, while you were taking a break, Kubra was replaced by Carol. Things kind of changed around here, but Caleb and Logan are still around, so- yeah," Vause explained.
"There is no need to yearn for me, I'm right here, darling." Caleb laid his arms around my waist, pulling me to him seductively.
"Oh please, I wouldn't touch you even with gripping pliers."
I heard Vause, Logan and a few others laugh at my joke, earning back some of the lost approval.
"Have a seat." Carol, the new one, mumbled.
"It's good to have you back, Nichols." Vause nudged me slightly.
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"Lorna," I gasped at the sight of her in the door frame. "What are you doing here?"
"Carol asked me to come over."
Although Carol had made a very good first impression on me, her appearance wasn't going to fool me. I know exactly how these women operate. They would sacrifice you for their own good without hesitation. Lorna shouldn't trust her, especially with her lack of experience in this domain.
"And I also wanted to apologize," she mumbled. I stepped forward, closing the door behind me for privacy.
"For what?"
"For everything. I'm sorry for holding on to Christopher for so long when I knew that we were not meant for each other. I'm sorry for not being honest with you when you always told me the truth. And lastly, I'm sorry for being weak when you left. For not waiting for you, losing faith in you and turning to Christopher again when I knew that you were the only one I should go to." Her eyes were filled with tears, and probably mine were too. Everything she said, it should've made things easier and simple, but instead, I felt all the emotions I had managed to suppress so successfully overwhelm me.
Before I could react to all the thoughts in my head Lorna's tiny body in front of me was sobbing uncontrollably. I reached out for her hand, circling my thumb on her delicate skin.
"I'm sorry too, Lorna. For so much. For leaving when you needed me the most, and trying to flee my feelings when you always appreciated the fact that I confront problems. I'm sorry I dragged you into this whole drug business when I knew exactly that it might ruin you. "
She looked at me, her lips pressed tightly together as if she was telling me that she forgave me. Weirdly, she was staring at the floor, somehow seeming distant and hurt, reminding me of someone hiding a secret or an emotion.
Nevertheless, I continued with my apology: "But most of all I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew that I did. Lorna-"
Suddenly I felt her entire body tense as if I might have said something insulting or hurting. She swatted my hand away as if it was a disgusting bug and distanced herself from me.
"Don't say things you don't mean Nicky, I can handle the truth," she spat in my face. How could she say that I didn't love her? It was more than obvious how much she meant to me.
"No, Lorna I really do."
"You never loved me, Nicky, so stop pretending!" she began to yell, causing me to flinch. What the fuck happened? In a matter of seconds the sensitive, vulnerable Lorna turned into some kind of rage monster, yelling in my face. "Don't pretend like I mean shit to you when you didn't care about me."
Was she being serious right now? What happened to 'I'm sorry for losing faith in you'? I didn't care about her? That is ironic since she is acting like no matter what I say I will never be able to make it up to her, even though she clearly made more mistakes than I did.
"Are you fucking serious right now?" I yell back, frustrated by the fact that an apology turned into an attack.
"Nicky, let's be serious. The only thing you love is heroin," she screamed while entering the house and slamming the door shut behind her.
Wow, hearing these words from the only woman I ever loved, the woman I quit drugs for, it was heartbreaking. For a moment everything went black. I could hear my body slam against the wall and soon hit the wooden floor. After a few dark moments where I felt like drowning in the darkness of my thoughts and regrets, I felt energised by anger, almost as if I had come back to life.
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I was carelessly throwing clothes around my room, trying to find my black leathered notebook. Finally, when I discovered the cover of it underneath my bed, I gripped it roughly, simultaneously grabbing my car keys from the counter.
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"Open the fuck up, Caleb!" I shouted like a mentally crazy person. Although I was already on thin ice with the gang and especially Carol, I stormed into the cellar of Caleb's house, ready to finally tell Lorna what I thought about her sudden outbursts. This had to be straightened out once and for all.
Everyone's eyes were lingering on me as I almost fell down the stairs, but I didn't care. I didn't care about Vause's irritated look or about Carol's stressed demeanor. But at least of all I cared about Lorna's worried and embarrassed facial expression as if she was already expecting a scene from me.
YOU ARE READING
One of us - Nichorello
Fanfiction„One of us, one of us". Ever since that scene in season one, I have been hoping that Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello become a couple. Therefore this is a book about them, how they might have met each other if they weren't in prison!
