Poison

When we got back to the motel room, I fell down on the bed and let out an exhausted sigh. Lucifer laid down next to me and closed his eyes, not saying a word. At first the silence didn't mean anything, but after a few minutes, it started to worry me. I open my eyes and see him sitting up on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands. I get off the bed and kneel in front of him.

"Woah... Baby, what's wrong?" I ask him, removing his hands from his face and revealing tears pooling up at the corner of his eyes. Using my thumbs, I wipe the tears away and kiss his cheek.

"Babe, why are you crying?" My heart breaks for him when he opens his eyes and looks down at me with his icy blue eyes, that sparkle from all the tears.

"I shouldn't be here. You should be here. You shouldn't love me." He pulls his hands out of my grasp and covers his face again.

"What? You don't mean that..." He's never like this, and hearing him say those words makes me want to cry right here with him. He nods in response and still refuses to look at me.

"No- no you can't possibly-" Lucifer stood up before I could finish.

"Yes! I do mean it!" His cheeks are flushed and streaked with tears, "I love you Hanne! I love you so much! But ever since we've been dating I've seen you go from that innocent girl to this girl who's super badass and doesn't get upset because she's tough and ruthless." Lucifer yells. My eyes burn as I feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"I've known you since you were born. I've always watched you and I've kept you safe. I knew you before we even met. You used to be so kind, and positive, and beautiful. You had so much potential! And then when we started dating, your innocence started to fade. You started to rebel, and you started to care less about your standards." He quieted down and stepped towards me. "I still love you. I still love everything about you, but I just can't live like this; knowing that I'm the reason you changed. I'm the reason that you've lost so many opportunities to be with better guys than me. I'm the reason that you stopped caring about your grades and didn't get accepted to the college you really wanted to go to for that English Major. I ruined all these things for you. I did this. I infected you. This relationship... I've loved it. But it's not healthy, it's not healthy for you. You made me good, but I ended up taking all that good out of you. I'm poison. And I can't just keep doing this to you." Lucifer is no longer crying at this point. In fact, he looks angry. But he's not angry at a anyone else other than himself. He turns his back on me and starts for the door.

"No!!! What the hell are you talking about?" I ask springing to my feet and staring up into his eyes. " You have my life nothing but better! That girl you knew before? That wasn't me! That was some girl trying to impress her parents so she wouldn't feel like a failure anymore. I never even wanted to get an English Major! I wanted to major in Music! But they didn't approve of pursuing careers in extracurricular activities! They kept saying those were hobbie and not professions! They kept comparing me to my older sister who is this big name biologist and I didn't want to be the slacker. Being with you only made me bolder! It made me feel strong enough to do what I want to do and to say what I want to say! Lucifer," I take a step towards him, "you make me stronger. You make me confident. You make me happy, and carefree and most of all, in a world where I've never been loved before..." I pause, trying to hold back the sobs for at least a few more minutes. "I feel loved and important. If you left me, I would be lost. I would be alone again. And I would go back to being the unhappy girl who will do anything to please others." I can't do anything to hold it in anymore. The tears are pouring down my face as I try to keep it together.

"I love you dammit! And I don't want to lose you!" My voice breaks as I yell desperately. He turns around and I leap at him. I jump on him and wrap my legs around his waist, kissing him as hard as I can. Desperate to get him to stay.

"I love you," I say between kisses, "I love you, I love you." Lucifer kissed me back and carried be over to the bed and sat down, still carrying me. After several more minutes of lustful kissing, I whispered.

"Please... Please don't leave." My voice cracks from the sobs I'm trying to contain. Lucifer hushes my cries and kisses my forehead.

"I would never leave you. I can't leave you. I can't get enough of you." Lucifer whispers into my ear as our breathing slows and falls in sync. I smile and rest my forehead against his as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I guess I'm you're poison too."