Courtney didn't consider herself the typical pretty girl. She wasn't thin or popular or particularly confident. She didn't want to be alone forever, so dates from the Swipe app were her preferred way to meet people, but would she fall in love or reg...
"Oh my god.", she mumbled to herself, looking at the temperature. 104 degrees, 90% humidity. It's the hottest it's been in years and the first heat wave in the city since she moved there.
She looked at herself in the mirror, trying to decide what to wear to her date that wouldn't cause pit stains.
"4th CRUSH date in a month. Way to go Court, for continuously failing at dating." She said out-loud to herself, grabbing the fat on the side of her stomach. "Who would want to date the fat girl anyway?", she said sarcastically.
She started going through her closet and throwing clothes on the ground, not happy with anything she had. Her usual choices were baggy pants and tee shirts, but the heat was unbearable and shorts and tanks were the only thing even remotely tolerable. It made her stomach churn to think that any guy wouldn't wince at the sight of her in a tank top and shorts.
She was feeling supremely annoyed and decided not to care this time what she looked like. She already figured it wouldn't go well anyway, so she just threw on cut off shorts and a baggy tank with flip flops. Might as well not even bother dressing up, none of them even make it to dessert anyway. "Probably don't wanna see the cow eating the cud.", she said under her breath.
Courtney was extremely pessimistic and negative, but she felt she had the right to be. She had been fluctuating between deathly skinny and plus size her whole life, then again, she knew plus size didn't fit her anymore. She was considered morbidly obese by medical standards, even though that term made her think of people who couldn't get out their front door. She was 185 pounds and even though that wasn't considered obese to most people, to her it was and to her mother it was. Her doctor constantly told her to lose "a few pounds", which meant about thirty. She also knew that most of the guys in the city, it was considered grossly obese. She was used to seeing super thin, tanned, perfect looking girls who wretched in the bathroom after dinner in the stall next to her. She could hear them gagging and dry heaving and it reminded her of high school when she would slip off to the girls bathroom to get rid of her lunch. The idea of going back to her old habits were tempting when she would see these girls at dinner, cutting up their salads with forks and knives and sipping on sparkling waters while she usually chowed down on burgers and sodas, but after rehab, she knew she had to make a lot of changes. After all, it's not easy going from 5 carrots and a cup of rice a day to your actual recommended calorie intake. Most people would either fail and go back to purging or go straight to binging their body weight in food. She did the latter, but usually followed it up with abnormally intense workouts on the weekends
She was feeling a bit hesitant and needed to send her bff a text, hoping he would talk her out of it and ask her to come over for a pity party of wine and ice cream.
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She threw her phone in her purse feeling annoyed and walked down the street. The street was buzzing with activity and she walked to the curb to catch a cab. Cars were speeding by and she was kind of hoping one would accidentally drive up onto the curb and take her out. She was dreading going to this date. She had a feeling it wouldn't go well. They never do, but she figured a free dinner might be nice. She'd been living on ramen noodles for a week.
