Thoughts.

#7

Tuesday 31, July 2018. 
4:53 am.

Dear God, 

I haven't been talking to you as much as I feel I should have and for that I apologize. I know you currently have far more important things to look after such as world peace and ending poverty, but I have no one to seek except for you.

I was wondering if you can bring him back, in any way, shape or form possible at the moment. 

I'm sad, weak and lonely and God you know I'm equally desperate for a hand to hold.

I know you can hear me. I know you can hear me crying exactly seven times per day, if not more.
I know you can see me. I know you can see me curled up in my bed till five in the afternoon and wide awake till five in the morning.

I know you can feel me. I know you can feel my heart breaking into more pieces than i thought possible every single night that he's not around.
I know you can notice. I know you can notice the meals I've skipped and the extra hours I've been sleeping.

I know you can tell my health, both mental and physical, has declined and continues to do so. 

I am in pain.

I am burdened by so much ache and more sadness than I know how to coexist with. I know this is an odd request and I understand people usually resort to you regarding greater deals but I have no one. 

He was my person, my only person. 

And although I trust your judgement but I want and need him back. I am clinging to my last bit of sanity in order to fathom the words necessary to write you but nothing can ever do my wounds justice. No words I know, regardless of how sophisticated they may seem, can articulate the loss and misery I feel. I am begging for the blood to stop pouring out of the gaping hole he's left in my chest. 

I want to be able to sleep at night.

I want to be able to gulp down the lump that made its way to my throat.

I want to stop picking at the wounds I so desperately want to heal and I want to be relatively okay again. 

Please bring him back. 

Bring my life back. Reincarnate me.