I Think I Need Help

Sincerity

I Think I need help-

Cause I’m drowning in myself…

 

The song blared from the small speakers in the shitty earbuds. Soft vibrations accompanied the loud music, blaring at a high enough rate that anyone could hear it. The snapping of fingers was overlooked and ignored, unable to be heard over the ear-shattering tunes. It wasn’t until he was smacked on the back of the head that Craig realized his mother was trying to talk to him. He had been sitting on the couch, his feet propped up lazily along the other cushions. He pulled one of the buds out and stared at his mom angrily, growling in response.

 

“What?” He practically sneered the word in dismay.

 

“I told you to clean your room, Craig. You better get your ass up those stairs and do it!”

He rolled his eyes as he pulled himself up off the couch. He quickly flipped her the bird in frustration before stomping off towards the stairs, walking up them with his mother’s accusations trailing off behind him as he slipped into his room and slammed his door.

Since his 17th birthday, Craig has been having a difficult time in both his social and personal life. He was diagnosed sometime when he was 15 with a schizoaffective disorder with major depression. For as long as he could remember, he had been seeing and hearing things. It started off small, but had quickly developed into an everyday, full fledged senses issue that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Medication had helped him through a lot of it, but without support from his parents and keeping it bottled away from all of his friends, Craig had quickly developed into a very moody and very pushy teen. Paranoia riddled his waking hours nearly everyday and nightmares riddled his dreams every time he closed his eyes and laid his head to sleep. Because of this, he tended to stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning, making it hard to stay awake in classes.

 

On top of everything, he had been dealing with his recent breakup with Tweek. Well, not recent. He was dumped almost a year and a half ago, and he was still dealing with the pain that tore at his heart and his mind. He never really liked to think about it, but it still haunted his thoughts every now and then. He never liked to admit it, but Craig had loved him. He loved him on many different levels, and them breaking up shook him heavily inside.

 

Both of them dealt with issues that had escalated to an extreme, and it had started to take a toll on the both of them. Tweek was the first to bring it up.

 

“Craig- we n-need to talk---” Tweek sat across from Craig in the lunchroom, the plastic fork shaking slightly in his hand as he twitched and fidgeted. Craig had a fry halfway in his mouth when the conversation was started.

 

“About what?” Craig mumbled the words, looking up at his former boyfriend, talking past the food in his mouth.

 

“About… About us… I just don’t… f-feel comfortable with this anymore.” Tweek twitched, and grunted, avoiding eye contact. Craig raised his eyebrows at the statement.

 

“What do you mean you don’t feel comfortable? ” His voice wavered with an edge of concern.

 

“Craig… We both have problems. S-serious problems-- ah. It’s difficult dealing with my own and trying to h… help you with yours. It’s taxing, and I just think that. Maybe we should see other people. Split apart, go our separate ways. It would be for the best.” Craig hadn’t realized that the half eaten fry had dropped from his fingers onto his tray. He had a hard time processing what Tweek had said, and his brain hurt trying to understand exactly what the fuck was happening.

 

“Are you… Breaking up with me…?”

 

***

Craig woke with a start. He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, or how, but he was laying in his dark room, curled up on his bed. Tears had stained his cheeks, tears that he wasn’t aware were there. He had that dream again. It had been recurring constantly for the last month and he didn’t know why. He stretched his body out, his joints popping after being in the same position for so long. Craig reached for his phone and pulled it off the nightstand next to his bed, unlocking it and going straight to his messages.

 

Craig: I had the dream again

 

Clyde: Oh no! Are you okay?

 

Craig: Not sure. I’m just really confused right now.

 

Clyde: I’m sorry :6 I bet it’s really difficult for you right now

 

Craig: Yeah- I think I’m gonna try to go back to sleep

 

Clyde: Ok, sleep good. I’ll be here if u need me

Locking his phone, Craig rolled over onto his back after sliding the device back onto his nightstand. He stared at his ceiling for a while, looking at the glow stars that were stuck up there some few years back, looking at the constellations that he placed them in to. After what seemed like ages, he finally closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep. He would not expect what was to happen the next day, or anything after that.