Musuko (Book Two of the Kakureta Hana series)

IV: Shi

"A fool he may be," Amaya answers, "but a dangerous fool he is.  My father is old, I am his only child, and he practically has controlled this clan since your parents died.  Once I am married to you, he will feel that he has nothing left to lose, and that makes him dangerous.  Do not think that foolish means that he cannot bring trouble upon the clan."

I muse over her words that night as we sit surrounded by the clan.  Not even the talk of the ongoing war can distract me from Amaya's beliefs that her father is a desperate fool.  I have known that Lord Motome holds his plans and secrets close to his chest, but I have never sensed that he is desperate.

A desperate man grasps at whatever he possibly can catch hold of, but I see no evidence of this in Lord Motome.  Yes, he took control of the clan after my parents died, but he was the oldest of the retainers left from my grandfather's era, the wisest and most experienced by the measure of years.  In fact, I cannot understand why those around me either hold him in contempt or fear him.

Ryuu tends to hold the former opinion, pushing Lord Motome as much as he possibly can despite the fact that he holds a far lower position than he did in the time of my father.  Perhaps...

I quickly dismiss that thought before it can take fruition.  Ryuu is a man of honor, though very few in the clan remember the days when he led our clan into battle beside my father.  Whatever his grudge against the older man is, it is likely not the fact that he took control of the clan while Ryuu lost his standing.  Something else must have soured the relationship between them.

"You are frowning," Amaya says as she brushes a light finger across my forehead.  "If it is because of what I said earlier, I am truly sorry.  I only meant to warn you, not add to the burdens you already carry."

I catch her hand before it escapes me.  "Never apologize for telling me anything. I want to hear your observations, no matter how insignificant you believe them to be, for you are better at remaining unseen than I am.  And you have already have eased my burdens in ways that I did not realize they could be."

I raise her hand to my lips, watching a light blush touch her cheeks.  A part of me deep within is glad that she choose to marry me, that despite her worries and concerns, she agreed to become my partner in life. I have learned through the war that has been raging since before I was born that nothing in life is guaranteed.

This woman next to me, looking at me with a soft expression of love, is one where I want to erase every horrid word that others have said to her, every moment that they have looked down on her because her foot will never look the same as everyone else's. She deserves to be loved with a love that does not care whether she is perfect or flawed, whether she is beautiful or plain. I want to give her back every single thing that so many others have snatched away from her.

Touching her cheek lightly, I notice for the first time that the assembled members of the clan are starting to realize that I am acting differently towards Motome Amaya, and more and more eyes are turning in our direction. The meal is coming to its conclusion as well, and before the innocent observations can become full-blown rumors, I rise from my seat, taking Amaya's hand to help her up as well.

"Honored members of the Amachi clan, many of you have been here since before my father was born.  You have seen battles and marriages, tragedy and births.  You have been a part of the legacies that my father and his father before him left for this clan: the prosperity and honor that only endures because of the efforts of each one of us here.

"Today I stand in front of you, not in the sorrow of loss or the doom of impending battle.  Rather, I stand here in joy and continuing hope for the future of this clan, a future that would not be possible without the many sacrifices that all of us have made.  Much like those who have come before me, I have decided to take a bride, someone who will bear the burdens of leadership with me and secure the Amachi line."

I look away from the faces of the clan, faces that I have seen day after day with various emotions marking their expressions.  Instead, I choose to seek out Amaya's eyes, placing a hand on her cheek again before I take a deep breath.  "Unlike my father and his father before him, I have chosen to take a wife from within our own ranks, someone who has held a piece of my heart since we were children.  Within a fortnight, I will take Motome Amaya as my wife before leading us into battle once more.  I hope that you will join me in this celebration as without your sacrifices, without your support, this clan would no longer be on this earth to lead.  I consider you all to be as dear to me as family, and I want the honor of having you witness my marriage."

It only then that I release Amaya's gaze after noting that her eyes are beginning to fill with tears and turn back to the clan assembled in the hall around me.  I take a moment to look over the silent crowd, seeing an emotion that I had not seen in a long time shining on the faces.  They look hopeful.

"Well done, young Lord Amachi," one of my retainers yells from the back.  "I only hope that you told Motome Amaya's parents that you intend to wed her before announcing it to the whole of the clan else we may find that Motome Yori has found a new recipe for us."

His words break the silence that had descended upon the hall, and hands rise with cups as well wishes are shouted out to us.  I tug Amaya closer to me, letting the joy and the teasing and the hope wash over me.  It is one of the first times that I feel like more than my father's diminished shadow and more like someone who the clan trusts to lead them.  I wonder silently what both of my parents would have thought of my choices as people begin to come up to bestow blessings and advice on the two of us.

Would they have been proud of the man I had become, the fact that I was walking the path that my father had before me even without his guidance?  Would my mother have fussed over my soon-to-be bride like some of the women were now, pulling her away from my embrace to coo over the bride she was going to become?  Would my father have had advice about how best to treat my wife, how to love her as he had loved my mother?

Would they have warned me, much like Amaya, that Lord Motome was a desperate man, that I must be wary of the plans that lurk behind those eyes?  Or would I have not had to worry about him because he would have had no reason to be desperate if my parents had lived, no worries about training a woefully unprepared boy to be clan leader while keeping the clan intact?

Then I remember Ryuu and Sakura after I told them that I had intended to marry Amaya, the way that their words echoed her worries about Lord Motome, but also the joy that I felt when I realized that they approved of my choice in a wife.  They are the closest thing to parents that I have ever known, and I believe that they knew my parents well enough to know that they would have approved her too.

With that thought, I manage to push aside all the lingering questions and look at the clan celebrating around me.  I turn towards where Amaya is still surrounded by the women and smile at her with all the happiness in my heart.  No matter what happened a day or a week or even a month from now, we would always have these moments, the moments that we continued to fight for.  Not for ourselves only but also for those who would come after us, the ones who would one day mourn our deaths as well as be thankful for the work we had done to make the world that they live in.