Blankets and Burnt Breakfasts

Cold. Why the fuck is it so cold?

Chuuya opened his eyes, squinting as the blinding sun shining through the curtains hit him right in the face. He yawned, rubbing at his eyes before turning around and freezing at the sight.

Ah.

That's why it's so cold.

Dazai had managed to take all of the blankets on the bed, somehow burrito-ing himself into a giant fuzzy cocoon, leaving Chuuya freezing. The redhead rolled his eyes, how typical of Dazai to even be annoying in his unconscious state. He stood up and grabbed onto what appeared to be the edge of the giant blanket burrito, and pulled as hard as he possibly could. Dazai let out an impossibly high screech as he was pulled at godspeed off the bed and onto the hard floor, blankets unraveling as he skidded across the bed.

"Owww! What was that forrrr?" The man whined, rubbing at his head and glaring up at Chuuya the best he could.

"That is for stealing all my blankets. You deserved it." Chuuya snorted, unable to contain his laughter at seeing his husband in such an unflattering morning state; bird nest hair and bleary eyed, sprawled on the carpet with sticky limbs everywhere. "And you can be the one making breakfast today, it's about time your lazy ass actually helped me around the house instead of making me do all the work." Chuuya hummed, looking down at his nails. "Coffee. Black, no sugar. Surprise me."

Dazai pouted up at the older man, before scrambling to his feet. "So mean, Chuuya!"

It was very clear that Chuuya was absolutely set on making Dazai handle breakfast, and that his puppy dog eyes and sweet talking weren't going to get him out of this one. "Not my fault you make such a cute housewife-" Dazai started as he walked out the door, only to be smacked in the head with a big fluffy pillow.

"I'm going for a shower. Please don't fuck this up, at least try and make your cooking not disgusting for once." Chuuya stalked off to the bathroom, leaving Dazai in the hall.

"Yes, dear!~" He sang out, only to receive an embarrassed yell of "SHUT UP!" from the bathroom.

x

Dazai looked down at the food in front of him on the counter. Simple bacon and eggs, this should be easy.

He cracked the egg into the pan, somehow managing to get bits of shell stuck in it, and in attempt of removal he burnt his finger. "Ouch!" He yelped in shock. Oh well. Maybe the chibi wouldn't notice it.

Now for the bacon! Dazai picked it up and tossed it in beside the egg, smiling to himself as he did so. Chuuya would regret the day he ever called Dazai's cooking bad, this was gonna be the best damn breakfast he's had in his life!

A black coffee with no sugar, easy enough. Dazai began boiling the kettle, hopping up onto the counter and kicking his legs back and forth, ignoring the pan that appeared to be sizzling at an alarming level.

Wait.

What was that smell?

Dazai wrinkled his nose in disgust, before the realisation kicked in. Ohhh god. The food.

He turned to the pan in alarm, only to see grey smoke piling above it. Fuck. Dazai leapt off the counter in alarm, grabbing the now considerably charred bacon and egg with shell in it, throwing the food onto a plate and putting it on the table. He sighed. Maybe it would taste better than it looked.

Dazai darted out of the kitchen, to see Chuuya coming down the stairs.

"Done!" Dazai chimed, walking up behind his husband and putting his hands over Chuuya's eyes. "It's a surprise~"

Chuuya tried to push Dazai's hand off his face, but the taller man insisted he did so. "Fine." Chuuya sighed. "I'm starving."

Dazai guided Chuuya into the kitchen and pushing him down onto a chair. "Keep your eyes closed and open up!~" He sang, earning a groan from Chuuya. He picked up a forkful of burnt bacon and egg with shells in it and pushed it into Chuuya's open mouth....only to have it spat back out into his face.

"CHUUUUYAAA!" He whined, wiping it off his cheek before turning to his lover. Chuuya was bent over the sink coughing and retching, spitting out the disgusting remains of whatever trash that Dazai called edible.

"You bastard! Oh my god, are you fucking TRYING to kill me?!" Chuuya screeched between gags. "You're never getting into my kitchen again, now out!" He hissed, pushing a protesting Dazai out the door.

x

Dazai was called back in a half hour later, with pancakes and syrup on the table for them and new coffee. "I can't believe you." Chuuya grumbled into his pancakes. "How can you fuck it up so badly?"

"I'm sorry chibi~" Dazai hummed, sounding the opposite of sorry.

"That was disgusting. I'm never letting you cook again."

Dazai leaned over the table and pressed a sloppy kiss on Chuuya's cheek. "Whatever you say, honey~"

Chuuya rolled his eyes and punched his husband in the shoulder, but couldn't help the soft pink blush from lighting up his cheeks from the pet name.

"I love youuuu!" Dazai said as best as he could with a mouthful of pancakes.

"Stop eating with your mouth open...but I love you too." Chuuya sighed, with a smile on his lips.

(A/N : fucking Dazai smh)