December // A Winter Soldier Story

12

ｄｅｃｅｍｂｅｒ ２１ｓｔ， ２０１３

２０°

ℬ𝓊𝒸𝓀𝓎

It takes everything, his soul, his willpower, his pained heart, all of the blood in his veins to get up a few hours later.

It is still dark. She lies perfectly still, on her side facing his spot on the floor. The only movement of her body comes from the rise and the fall of her beating heart.

Her hair creates a messy halo around her head, her lips are full and round, her eyelashes brush against her cheek. He doesn't know what love is, exactly, and he has known nothing but suffering for years, and he's not even sure how this happened, but he loves her. He knows the second she stirs in her sleep and subconsciously draws her blankets closer to her, keeping herself warm and safe from whatever lies out in the cold just beyond her window. He knows when all he has to do is look at her in order to breathe life back into his chest.

He smiles softly, a smile that she cannot see that is for him and him alone, and leans down, taking the risk of waking her up in order to give her a proper farewell.

"Thank you for everything, doll," he whispers as quietly as he absolutely can, unsure of where the pet name comes from. He assumes it is from a part of him that has been so deeply buried for so long that he no longer recognizes it. He revels in this newfound piece of himself and presses his lips ever so gently to her forehead, tasting her skin and storing every piece of it in his memory as if this is the last time he'll ever know happiness and softness ever again. It very well might be. "I love you."

He does not know how he is able to get those words out -- they feel strange on his tongue, even after speaking them -- but she needed to hear them, so he spoke them.

He peers over at her one last time on his way out, observing the moonlight that floods into the room and pulls her into the embrace he will always regret having never given her himself, before soundlessly closing her door.

The temperature has not changed much since he's been inside her home, but as he slips outside, he knows that tonight is without a doubt the coldest he has ever been.

He disappears into the snow.