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Trigger warning, and something I have to get off my chest

  Okay, so this is going to probably make people who read this uncomfortable, but I don't care!

  I'm going to try and tell some s*** in my life I can't keep bottled up anymore.

  *inhales slowly, and exhales slowly*

  Alright, so I've been having really bad thoughts of stuff, like not living since, like, 5th grade? That was when I transferred, and when I also had the worst time for bullies.

  And I've been bullied since, like, Kindergarten. I know, shocking, right? Some of you guys know that I try and help people feel better, like wolvesletsplay and Sleepy_Child01 know I try to help, and others as well.

  I don't tell many people, even my close friends and family. Not even my mom knows some of the thoughts I have!

  But I've been told a lot of horrible things since I was five. Five!

  I've been told I was a crybaby (which I was when I was younger, just not really anymore), ugly (which I believe), worthless, stupid, annoying, a waste of space, fat, and a few other things that I can't remember.

  Now, I've been kinda starving myself these past couple of months, and I don't care what happens to myself. I can't do exercise for too long, because of asthma, and then the fact that I'm nervous to go to the 8/9 school where I live that actually has a lot of my older bullies, and new bullies in my grade and have some of the same classes as me, like my favorite class, orchestra.

  I. SailorGamer23. Have tried to commit suicide. Twice, while no one knew I was trying to. I've failed, obviously, as so that is how I'm able to tell this. Since I've had such a rough time, I've not had a good enough counselor for me. I've talked to three school counselors, and my personal counselor, and my personal counselor says to take medicine for depression, but I don't want to!

  Anxiety and paranoia really don't even help either though... and I've been trying to fight it, but it's getting harder and harder for every passing month.

  I will keep trying to fight it, but know that if you want to hate me, go ahead, f***ing hate me! I really don't give two s***s anymore.

  I really hope I didn't affect your view of life or any of that jazz, just know that this is me, and I just hope you know that I don't want you guys to try and take this burden, you do you, just don't try to take all this off me, cause I'm okay with bottling it up like I do. But it's fine. Just go tell your family, friends, animals, anyone in your live who is special to you that you love them, or care for them, Alright? Good. Have a good rest of your day or night!