Redemption

You know it HURTS...

"Why Ishita? Why did you do this to me? How could you?" Raman's heart screeched in anger.
And it was not just today. It had become an everyday affair for the past 7 months.

Hard he might try, he just couldn't get past the day when he held the lifeless body of his son, his only son, his first born, the one he loved more than his life, in his hands.

Shaking him, calling his name so that he listens and wakes up from that dreadful sleep... but he didnot.
He would not respond to any of his pleadings.

Raman was there when Aditya was being readied for the operation. And how he was all smiles. Afterall he was the mighty RKB's son. Justifying the famous 'mard ko dard nahi hota' dialouge.
But he knew very well that his son was in pain. Real pain. How well he tried, but that silent cries of distress as the nurse wiped his neck stained with blood had revealed the pain he was going through.
Raman stood close to him. He held his hand assuring him of his being with him always.
And for once he wanted to deny all that he that was being said. About how his son had been shot at? Who did it? He couldnot ever believe that Ishita his soul companion could ever hurt Aditya. Their Aditya. Yes, even if she was not his biological mother, she was his real mother, indeed. As she was for ruhi. He knew that over the years this mother son duo had come quite close.

Aditya loved to share his day with his Ishima. In the initial years when they were separated when they thought Ruhi was no more amongst them, Adi had maintained a diary, filling its pages with all the details he would otherwise have shared with his Ishima. Raman ached to read those pages. How hard he tried to get a sneak peak into its contents, he was never allowed even a flip through its pages. Aditya had always believed that his Ishima was alive. She has not died. That she would come one day and he will happily pass on this diary so that she will not miss a single detail of his life.

Yes, for once Adi's belief had won. Ishita had returned. And when things became normal between the husband and wife, she would proudly flaunt his Aditya's diary before her husband just to make him jealous.
Raman could not help but smile recalling those days.

"It was beautiful Ishita, wasn't it? I know there were multiple issues we were dealing with. My memory loss, Simmi-Param's plottings, Pihu-Ananya case.... we would have come out of all these fiasco's together. And we could have handled Aditya's adultery as well. I know whatever he did was wrong, but death was not the solution for all this. You killed him Ishita. You killed my Adi. You killed your Aditya. You are nothing but a bloody murderer." His heart flinched at all these thoughts.

Thinking about her as a murderer, hating her was akin to stabbing him alive. He accused her, he hurt her yet he ended up hurting himself all the more. The more he hated her, the more it pained deep in his heart. It was as if his soul was being ripped piece by piece with every accusation he hurled at her.

"Adi, nothing will happen to you. Papa is there with you Adi." He had repeated these lines on loop as he held Adi in his arms, while he was being attended by the doctors.
Aditya in return flashing his dashing smile at him. And Raman was glad for once to see his boy's carefree smile. That was the smile of relief. As if he had been relieved of a huge burden. That he was trapped all along and now was finally free.
And in those last moments, he opened his lips and uttered, "Ishiiiimaaa..."
and that was his last word
The way he addressed her... with so much love... so much gratitude... In that flash of moment Raman could see that though Aditya's gaze was fixed upon him, his eyes was searching for his Ishimaa and when he couldnot find her, he had called her.
Raman failed to understand till date what had hurt him more.
The fact that his son was dead. Or that his wife- his only saviour- his soul companion had murdered his only son. Or that his dying son had uttered her name with so much love even though he knew that she had held up the gun on him and shot right where his heart throbbed.
She had shot at his heart. A deathly shot indeed.
"I would never forgive you Ishita. Even though, the courts acquitted you. They held you not guilty. But I know you are as guilty as hell. And I'll make sure that you live with guilt all through your life. The pain I am going through right now, I would make you experience that everyday, every moment of my life. If I am not at peace, I'll not let you have that peace as well. You will see what this Raman, Aditya's father is capable of doing. You have seen the intensity of my love, now experience the magnitude of my hatred." His mind shouted.