Into The Darkness

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Life is too short, they said...

Be happy, they said...

But what if my whole life consisted of being sad, depressed and alone? what if sadness was the title of the book I'm living?

From my own experience, people don't really care about you, they don't care if you're mad, sad, or even dead, they just stay with you until they find the right replacement, and then they move on, and they assume that you'll do that too...

But that wasn't the case for me, I didn't move on, I wasn't part of the herd, I was different, and my difference is what brought me here, to this place, at this specific time.

I refused to be part of the system, I wanted out of it, I needed out of it.

And well, that did not work good for me....

While I'm laying here, on this bed of craziness, everyone is moving, not noticing that I'm not there, not wondering where I've been for the last couple of days, stupid me, I thought I was going to make a difference.

Two days ago I've made the decision of dying, killing myself,but that of course didn't work.

Oh, and if you're thinking that someone saved me because he cares then you're totally wrong, because the person who saved me is the owner of the apartment I'm living in, or lets say used to live in.

For my bad luck he came to take the rent, which I didn't pay for the last two months, when I didn't answer he broke the door, called the ambulance, the first words I heard when I woke up was " I want to rent that apartment you stupid girl, I can't do that if you died in there, you're out of the apartment, I don't want you in there again "

So, currently I'm homeless, with no place to live in, and probably no job too..

I know you probably want to hear my story by now, but let's just keep it simple

I WAS ALIVE.

The end of the story.

It all started when I was ten, my precious dad came home from work, and as always he was angry.

But this time it was different, I could feel it, he was more angry than usual, so I hid in my room, because as any ten years old girl, I was scared, but from my own father.

One minute passed.

Two minutes.

He didn't call out my name, I'm safe.

" HOPE "

That's my name.

" HOOOPPPEEE"

He called again, so I answered.

" I'm coming "

And with a hammering heart, I went to his room.

You might think he raped me, but he didn't.

He killed me, killed my soul and left the body alive.

He threw me on the bed, choked me till I couldn't breath, my own father, trying to kill me, his " Hope ", with no spick of mercy in his eyes.

" It's all your fault you stupid girl, I wish we never had you, you're the reason of every single problem we are facing in our lives "

He screamed out those words, in my face, me, I am the reason for every problem he's facing.

I stopped fighting for my own life after that, and he left me, left the room, left my heart, left everything.

That was the last moment of my life, after that, I just became a body without a soul, trying to tolerate with this world.

Hey guys, hope you liked this, it's still the beginning so it might be boring

promise it'll get better

love you