It’s been almost two years since Andy showed up on my doorstep. Nearly two years since his marriage fell apart. I wish I could say that everything had gone fine when Juliet had found out. But she’d gone ballistic. Even I heard her, and I’d been across the street in my car.
You can’t just throw it all away, Andy!
You’ll never find someone like me!
You’ll never find love again!
She’s never going to love you the way that I do!
Nobody will ever stand by you like I did!
She still refuses to sign the papers, so unfortunately, they aren’t officially divorced. But that didn’t stop him from taking me on a date about a year and a half later. We’d already been living together. Now it was just a little different. The second bedroom in the apartment had become an office/guest room. Crow and Daredevil lounged on the couch. Andy had officially moved into my room 6 months after we got together.
He’s been super busy in the studio, laying out tracks for new albums. Ash had done bass lines in Nashville but the rest of them were together. Which I didn’t mind, because I hadn’t been feeling well lately. Waking up nauseated, unable to keep anything down except Gatorade. Feeling so exhausted when I got home from work that I was asleep by the time he got home. I’d finally bitten the bullet and scheduled an appointment with my doctor.
“Ok, sweetheart. What’s going on?” she asked me as she took my vitals.
“Honestly, I think it’s work. I don’t feel well all day. I come home exhausted and fall asleep before Andy gets back. The poor man has barely seen me the past couple of months.” I replied, rolling my sleeve back down after she took my blood pressure.
“How’s your sex life?”
I blushed… hard.
“It’s…uh…it’s good.”
“Take this and go pee.” She responded with a smile, handing me a plastic cup.
A few minutes later, I went back into the room. She returned shortly after, with a little white stick.
“Here’s the source of your illness. Congratulations, Bella. You’re pregnant!”
I stared at her. Didn’t say a word. Just stared.
After a minute she waved her hand in front of my face and snapped me out of it.
“I’m sorry…did you say I’m… pregnant?”
“Yes! In fact, you’re almost 12 weeks, I’d say. But we won’t know until we do an ultrasound next week.”
The word ultrasound bounced around in my head. I don’t remember scheduling the next appointment. Or leaving the office. Getting into my car, or the drive home. I was in a fog until I closed the bedroom door behind me, Daredevil whining on the other side. Sinking onto the bed, I think I was still in shock.
Pregnant, ultrasound, next week. About 12 weeks along.
It was like a movie on a loop. How was I going to tell Andy? I wasn’t even sure he was ready to have kids, or if he even wanted them in the first place. Oh god. This was a disaster. What would his reaction be?
He’ll never stay with me now… He’s going to leave, and I’ll be all on my own with this.
I may have started to hyperventilate, I wasn’t sure. My vision went spotty and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. My hearing dimmed, almost as if I was underwater. I was vaguely aware of barking noises from by the door, but it didn’t register. My chest felt tight. Every breath was fire.
“Bella!”
Something finally registered. I looked up to find Andy’s ice blue eyes searching my face, his hands under my jaw.
“Breath, baby. You have to breathe!” he was saying.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to remember what was going on.
“What the hell happened? Are you ok? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
“Andy.”
I said it several times, but he was still asking me questions. Trying to pull his phone from his pants pocket, but Daredevil was barking and jumping.
“ANDY!” I yelled, stopping them both in their tracks.
Daredevil ran under the bed, tail between his legs.
“I had a panic attack. That’s all it was. I’m fine.” I told him.
In truth, I was numb. Except for the knot in the pit of my stomach. But that could have been more nausea.
From the baby.
Andy’s baby.
My baby.
“You haven’t had a panic attack in a while. What cause it?” he asked, eye full of concern.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Not yet. Not after he’d found me that way. Without saying a word, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I sat in the tub, the shower head raining down on me, almost ice cold. My clothes were soaked, but I didn’t care.
“Bella?” he called from the other side of the door.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t know how. Finally, he just walked in.
“You’ve been in here for almost three hours. Please get out, before you freeze to death.” He pleaded, kneeling next to the tub.
I looked at him, my hair sticking to my face. He looked back, eyes full of concern and love and a furious glint of protective instinct. He was beautiful, and I loved him with a fierceness I’d never felt before.
“I’m pregnant.” I whispered
