Broken Boy || preview

Two

!! This chapter contains self harm !! If you're not comfortable with it, I will put a warning where you can skip it !!

- J O S H U A -

I woke up with tears and sweat running down my face and neck that midnight. I dreamt about her face struck with burnt marks along her cheeks and forehead as they put her on the stretcher.

I dreamt about that day.

I search for my phone under my pillow to see that it's 4 am. No use to sleeping again since school starts in three hours.

Rather than laying down on the bed to wait for the sun to come up, I opted for running. I stood up to fix my bed and myself, wearing loose jersey shorts and a tight dri-fit shirt with my earphones and cellphone at the ready. I walk down the stairs, careful not to wake up the two ladies I'm living with.

I quickly downed a glass of water and ate a slice of orange before listening to alive music at the dawn of the day, wear my running shoes, and run.

As I know this small town, I don't even think where to go. I just let my feet take me where.

Once a familiar song plays, a memory was flashed inside my head.

- x -

"Hey Lis, since you don't have a boyfriend-"

"You're my boy friend."

"I want to offer you a dance." I said, not even bothering that she cut me off mid sentence.

"Les, just because the song has the word 'dance' in it, doesn't mean you offer a girl a dance." She said while massaging her temples, probably because of my said stupidity.

"At least I'm saving your romantic dance for your boyfriend someday. Wouldn't want the both of you to come to me saying I stole your first ever slow dance." I never once let my arms fall to my side as she ignores it.

"Fine. And FYI, my father is my first slow dance." She said yet I shrugged nonchalantly, as if saying it doesn't count.

She placed her hands on top of mine and we danced around like crazy kids inside my room full of posters of motorcycles and race cars and half naked models.

- x -

I was brought back to reality when I felt myself stop from running as tears flow down my face. I lean against the post with head on my arms as I sob softly.

No matter how much pain I'm going to cost myself just by thinking about her, she will never come back.

After a few minutes or so, I finally composed myself and started running.

- x -

I went home when the sun was proudly coming out. I went straight to the shower, after taking my shoes off, to cleanse myself.

The cold water hits my body as I scrub my head and body off of the sweat I accumulated from running.

I would come visit her first to wake her up after a run, but I don't think it's possible now.

I don't know how many tears I've shed in the shower but as I step out, I felt it again.

The guilt, sadness, and shame.

It went raining down on me, resting on my shoulders while whispering cruel things in my ear. Placing their voices in my head saying it's my fault that she's gone.

!! Warning !!

As if it couldn't get worse, I saw a thin blade next to the sink.

I heard her voice in my head but I ignored her.

I held the blade with two fingers as the demons I locked inside my head came out to tell me it's okay.

To tell me, it will lessen the pain I'm feeling.

Without realizing it, I cut my wrists. It stings at first but the more I slice, the less it hurt.

I don't know how many wounds I have but I suddenly stopped to stare at the blood on the sink.

What have I done?

Doesn't it feel good? Knowing you can escape your hell of a mind like this?

To admit it, yes. It feels good.

!! You can read now !!

I wash my arms as the tears from my eyes and the blood won't stop flowing. My shaking hands rub my fresh wounds softly to stop the bleeding and it eventually did.

I breathe in and out as I stared at the boy in my reflection. I run a hand through my hair as I calmed myself.

The longer I stare at myself, the more pathetic I feel.

I got out of the bathroom to get ready for school. I wore my boxer brief and dark blue denim jeans, but before I put on a shirt, I treated my forearms with an alcohol.

I hiss at the pain as I poured a large amount of alcohol, but I didn't complain. Why would I when I know I did this to myself?

With a thin bandage wrapped around my wounds, I wore a black baggy sweatshirt from my closet and got down the stairs, eager to eat breakfast.

- x -

At school, I find myself in front of her locker with many pictures and flowers surrounding it. I received many condolences from them and I just said what has to be said.

I stared at her pictures until it's already blurry. I run to my locker, as my shaking hands got ahold of my lock, I calmed myself from having another breakdown.

"Hey." A deep voice was heard and instead of seeing only my converse clad feet, I see four pairs of expensive sport shoes.

I gulped and looked up. It was Mark.

Mark is a jock here in my school who happens to like my best friend, but knowing her taste in men, she rejected him. But he was persistent, chasing her around the school, literally.

He likes her, only her. He likes her so much that he made her other suitors run away with their figurative tails between their legs, saying that my best friend is his.

As if we had consent in doing so.

"I'm sorry." I apologized as I saw the look of anger and sadness in his eyes.

"You took her away from me, you bastard!" Unexpectedly, he punched me on my stomach.

The people around us formed a circle, watching the scene before them unfold. He grabbed my neck and pinned me to the lockers, the handle poking at my back with pain.

"You didn't even save her!" He punched my face, most specifically my eye.

He pushed me down on the floor. He gave me one last kick on the stomach before leaving with his mates who didn't even do anything.

The people around me started to falter and I coughed away the pain from my stomach. I stood up from my position on the floor slowly before closing my locker and going to my class.