Senseless Ranting

Even surrounded by people

People that love me

I am still alone

I have a few

That are true family

Even a very few

I call friends

And I have my children

My beautiful children

But I will never put the weight of my problems on their shoulders

I want my babies to be confident

To know who they are

Unlike their mother

They deserve so much better

If I cannot find myself

Help myself

How can I help them to grow

I'd claim my heart was broken

If I felt it belonged to me

I'd cry out for my lost soul

But I'm not sure I had one to lose

I'm so tired

Of the solitary confinement

That is my mind

My life

So tired of being lonely

In a crowded room

I am alone

No-one understands me

But then again

I don't understand me either

Maybe, just maybe

If one person would take he time

To listen

To care

Then just maybe I would be able to reveal myself to me

While trying to explain myself

My feelings

To someone else

Maybe I could understand as well

I know how crazy I must seem

How random and insane

Am I crazy

Possibly

Probably

How am I to know

I know nothing about myself

I know only pain

And fear

And solitude

Sadness, anger, hatred

Self-pity and self-loathing

The one and only true and pure thing

In my life

In me

Is my love for my kids

I do, of course, have love for others

My precious few friends, family

But the love for ones children is so different

Special, intense, all encompassing

Undying and unconditional

Never ending

My love for them is the only true

Everlasting thing I know about myself

That I am sure of

They are my worls, my life, my everything

My Tristan

My Kayleigh

My Ethan

I love you

~ If you were actually able to read this whole thing then there are a few things I would like to say...upon pulling out my book of poems I have kept over the years and choosing the ones I wanted to share, I realized that I am one extremely depressing person! I have had some rough times in life, who hasn't? But writing is my coping mechanism and when things get tough, I write like there's no tomorrow. While transferring this from hand-written paper to something to upload, it struck me how very dark this truly is...for anyone concerned for my sanity, I promise I am sane (although I am sure that's exactly what an INSANE person would say!) I don't know why, but putting my feelings into words always seems to lessen the anger, hurt, sadness or any other emotion that is hard to cope with. I hope some of you enjoyed this, I really hope that some of you were able to relate and take something from it that maybe has meaning in your own life as well. and I would appreciate any comments, good or bad, even a bad comment is an acknowledgement and without the bad the good would mean less, also without the bad, how can there be improvement? And, hey, if nothing else...maybe I can be a cure for insomnia! ~

<3 <3 <3  PinkFairie79  aka  Angie <3 <3 <3