Memories [random updates]

Memories | 03

The one thing that I regret would have been not being to spend so much time with her, leaving me with a feeling of longing and distress as I missed her dearly. She was the world to me and unfortunately, our time together was so short that I wasn’t able to profess my love to her. But that would definitely be the first thing on my list when she wakes up.

Rolling around under the sheets in bed for a little longer before finally getting up, I jumped into the bathroom for a quick shower. Approximately twenty minutes later, I was dressed and smelling fresh as I trudged down the stairs, still tired after having spent so much time with Ally at the hospital last night; but there were no regrets.

My mouth wide open as I yawned upon entering the kitchen, it was safe to say that I didn’t make a fantastic great impression on my parents the first thing in the morning.

Grabbing a bowl, spoon and a box of cereal, I plopped down on a bar stool at the kitchen counter which vaguely resembled an island seeing as it was positioned right in the centre of the kitchen. Munching on some dry flakes of cereal as I poured some milk into my bowl, I could hear my parents whispering amongst themselves. It didn’t take many brain cells to figure out that they were talking about me. It seemed like my parents were always talking about me; and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

Plugging in my headphones, I acted as I was listening to music in my own world, but truth be told I was actually trying to avoid ‘the talk’ with my parents. Now, if I was a normal teenager, then my parents would have probably given me this talk multiple times before over the years. But it just happened to be that I wasn’t talking about ‘the talk’ that most teenagers dreaded hearing. Instead, I was talking about the one which I was dreading, one which I had heard multiple times over the years.

Bobbing my head to the side; right, left, up, down, I tapped my fingers in a rhythmic beat on the kitchen counter so the act would appear both genuine and real. Spooning some milk and cereal into my mouth, I didn’t realise that my dad was standing down at me, glancing at me curiously.

By the time that my dad’s presence besides me caught my attention, it was too late as my dad yanked my headphones out of my phone, both surprise and suspicion apparent on his face as silence filled the air in pace of the music that I had supposedly been ‘jamming’ to.

My dad opened his mouth and then closed it again; imitating a goldfish, obviously baffled by the absolute nothing that I had been listening to. My mum came up behind him, placing a hand on his arm, silently warning him to not question my peculiar behaviour.

Pursing her lips, my mum looked down at me. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, son.” She spoke softly, her gaze trained intently on me, not wanting to miss any vital facial expressions or reactions that would give her a hint as to what was running through in my head. As per usual, I gave nothing away and just stared blankly up at her, not saying a thing. “You know what I’m talking about.” She carried on, inching closer to me, threading her fingers absentmindedly as she thought.

Letting out a breath of air which I didn’t even realise I was holding, I racked my brain for something to say; anything. I knew for a fact what my parents were talking about, but as always, I was unable to supply them with an answer, and that probably worried them even more.

“Mum,” I began, hoping that the right words would just fly out of my mouth and put my parents at ease. However, I was unable to do that also, and so decided to play the ‘don’t-worry’ card, hoping to convince both my parents that I was fine, even if it wasn’t one-hundred percent the truth.

“I’m fine, mum. I’m not doing anything to myself.” I convinced her, wanting her to take the bait and not worry so much, but I knew her better than that.

Flicking my ear, she huffed, clearly annoyed with my lack of answers. Luckily, my dad decided to step in and save me before the next batch of questions began, because after that would follow the suggestions. Holding eye contact, I thanked the man before stuffing one last spoon of cereal into my mouth and running out of the house, my phone, bag, jacket and other necessities in hand.

Chuckling to myself, I slowed down my jogging once I knew that I was safe; for now, anyway. Once I had recovered from the sudden sprint and my heart beat had returned to its normal state, I headed to the bus stop which was a quick and easy five minute walk from my house.

Waiting patiently for the bus to arrive, I allowed my mind to run amok, desperately trying not to glare or even scare the group of American high school teens who were stood under the bus shelter, unlike me who decided to stay away from the group and so I was stood outside next to it. I had no patience for high school teens.

They were all whispering amongst each other, occasionally looking over in my direction when they thought I wasn’t looking. Exhaling a breath of air, I ignored them and was the first to mount the bus once it arrived, immediately heading towards the back of the bus and claiming my seat, conveying a silent message to everyone else to leave me alone.

If Ally were here, she would probably disapprove of my jerk-ish and unsociable behaviour, and would then proceed to tell me off. I wouldn’t have minded really, she was probably right.

No one bothered me while I was on the bus, and I was glad.  As per usual, I was the first one off the bus as the bus stopped at the town college before it did at the high school.

Stuffing my hands into my pocket in my leather jacket to keep me warm in the cool autumn breeze, I headed into the building, walking down the hall and to my locker, ignoring the fifty or so pairs of eye which fixed on to me as I passed. Opening my locker, my eyes immediately fixated onto the picture of Allison which I had taped to the inside of the door of the locker; one of the first things I would see once I entered into the college.

It was a beautiful picture, one which was able to capture the moment. The story behind that picture was hilarious, one which consisted of me driving over to her house in the middle of the night and throwing pebbles at her bedroom window, just like how a love stuck teenager would do in a cliché romance novel. Once she opened the window, she gave me an earful, whispering quietly so that she wouldn’t wake her family. My goal that night was to woo her and make her my girlfriend; it worked.

That was only time that I had been over to her house.

Ignoring the loud buzz of the student body early in the morning, I headed to Computing Class. This time last year, I probably wouldn’t have dared to turn up to class, let alone turn up on time. Instead, I would have been behind the school building by myself, puffing my first cigarette of the day. Once I finished and became bored of standing outside, I would then head in, normally missing the first half of the lesson, sometimes even longer.

It was safe to say that I had changed rather a lot since last year, definitely for good in my opinion. My fellow classmates probably wouldn’t agree with me there; they would say that I was the same person I was last year and the same one I had been since the beginning of my teen years, but they didn’t know me very well.

My parents on the other hand were a different matter. They caught onto the peculiar change in my behaviour almost instantly, questioning me about my health, suggesting that they believed the situation to be unbelievable.

Inhibiting a seat at the back of the class, I stared off into the distance as the rest of the class filed in. If someone were to look at me now, they would believe that I was focused on my laptop screen, which would be a good thing seeing as no one would disturb me now.

As per usual, the day went excruciatingly slowly, as if time itself was mocking me. I spent the day jotting down some important notes during the classes that I took, the rest of the time just staring off into the distance as I thought. Anyone that knew me would know that I was thinking about Ally, but no one knew me very well here.

Going from one period to the next, taking notes, listening to some of the stuff that was being said, I attempted to pay attention in class; to live a normal life, but only because that was what Ally would’ve wanted me to do.