The Vent

The Story of Dad

My dad wasn't a huge part of my life. Him and my mother separated when I was 3 and for very good reason. My father was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive to not only my mother but my siblings. Strangely enough, that was not the man I knew, nor a side of himself he ever showed me. The man I knew was goofy and silly, loved to have fun. The man I knew took me fishing and camping, took me out to breakfast every sunday and to the movies 2-3 times a month. My siblings and my mom on the other hand have very different memories.
To them he was a screamer. He yelled, he got violent, nothing was ever good enough. He was the jealous type, we was very controlling, manipulative and sometimes downright cruel. Two sides to every coin I guess.

Even after my parents split up, my mother refused to stop me from seeing my father should I so choose, and although they no longer loved one another, they loved me, and because of that, they put aside their differences for my sake. This is something I know not every child is fortunate enough to have; two parents who although have their difference, are willing to put them aside because they have a child together. From the point they separated until I was about 6, I didn't see my dad too often. Not because my mom prevented me but because he wasn't exactly stable; he was flipping back and forth between jobs, moving around and having barely enough money to feed himself let alone a kid.

Truthfully, I can agree to an extent that karma is a bitch, and what goes around comes around. I guess to the universe, some form of God or something else just as Devine, he got what he deserved. None of his children aside from myself wanted anything to do with him; in most respects to the word, they probably hated him. For the terrible things he had done to my brothers, sister and my mom, I don't blame them for having such intense bitterness.

I guess just to put forth a few specific situations: one year my sister's mom found out my dad was running around on her. She followed him one day out of suspicions that he could be cheating and found he had indeed been back to seeing his ex girlfriend. My dad caught her. As payment he literally broke her fingers one by one.

There was one time my brother came home late and as payment, he used the garden hose to wipe my brother across the back. This of course my mom didn't find out about until later because she was working late this particular evening.

Another time my dad literally tried to beat the crap out of my 10 year old sister when she came out hysterical claiming she had been sexually assaulted on her way home from a friends out. My dad believed it was his own fault and tried to give her what he felt she deserved. My mom stepped in between and when she did, my dad in a violent rage through a blunt object at my PREGNANT mother, which hit her in the stomach. She lost one of the babies.

Again, this was a side to the man I had never seen, and only ever heard the stories from my siblings as to why they hated him so much. I don't exactly blame them, but because that wasn't the man I knew, I didn't have it in me to hate him. The worst he ever did was yell at me once, and it was totally warranted.

When I was 7, all the good times I had with my dad had to stop. He was getting sick. He had a heart attack. Not only that but also because he's a diabetic, he had blood clots, which caused a lot of complications. He went through massive and extensive surgeries, but the doctors could only do so much. Eventually they amputated my dad's left leg due to his diabetes. Naturally after spending several months in the hospital, countless surgeries and an amputation, he was a completely different person. However this was just the start of all his health complications.

For the next 2 years I watched as the man I once knew changed. Any time I got to spend with him was done at the hospital most of the time. My parents tried to make it as normal for me as they could: but it was tough. Especially from doing all kinds of fun things like camping and going to the movies to having to play boardgames in the hospital's 'family room.' It was a huge adjustment.