Post-It Notes (Wattpad's Pen Your Pride 2021)

1 - What's Wrong With Being Gay?

Perplexed, I stay in my seat as I finish packing up my stuff, ready for when this conversation ends.

For a minute, it's almost like Miss Kerry holds her breath, before she begins with "I wanted to say well done for coping so well with Clarice and Crista today," she sighs, shaking her head. "We both know how difficult they can be, even for a top set English class."

Her energy's dwindling, and with a Year 7 tutor group to cope with, I pity her. "Thanks Miss," I pipe, intending to transfer some of my positivity to her. "To be honest, I think I've had worse than them. And, for the record," I pass her a wink, "I feel that you handle them better than most teachers do - in a calm, considerate manner."

Miss Kerry flashes me one of her cutest grins, before responding with "I'm glad that you perceive me in that way. I always attempt to be as accommodating as I can for all of my students. Speaking of which," her eyes guide mine in the direction of the underside of her desk, below her draw full of equipment, "I believe someone has left you a message. I haven't the faintest idea how it came to be in my possession..." She stops, her countenance clouding over slightly with concern. "But it's been under my desk all morning, and it's addressed to you."

Miss Kerry hands me an azure, semi-circular post-it note, with "Risanna" written on the back with a hand foreign to my memory.

"If it seems like anything about it worries you," she lays a supportive hand on my shoulder "please let me know, Ritzy."

"I will, Miss. Thank you." With that, I turn to leave the room, wishing I didn't have to, as always. To lessen the blow, I chirp "See you next week, Miss."

As I slide into my seat for Tutoring, I slip the post-it note from out of
my pocket, and, trusting my intuition, I conceal it from view, as Miss Cole reprimands Keith for for his misconduct both in class and in form time, for the third time this week.

Gently unfolding the paper, I split my attention, as not to miss anything, and carefully, start to scan this mysterious little piece of paper and the script so artfully emblazoned on it.

"Dear Risanna,

You probably don't know me yet, but you will in time. I've been trying to reach you for a long while, and I've only just managed to. What I say next will probably send you into disbelief or shock, but know this: I would never harm you. I wrote this and will keep writing to you in the hope that one day we will meet, so we can get to know each other a bit better.

What I wanted to express is that I've been dreaming of you for almost my whole life, trying to reach you, and live a life we, right now, only desire, and not have. I know it sounds totally creepy coming from a stranger, yet something tells me that it's destiny for our paths to cross. Like it's some sort of reincarnation guarantee that we meet in each lifetime.

I've broken the matrix regarding that, and I've found you. And you've already learnt lessons you didn't acquire before. For instance, it's ok to be different. In fact, it's something to take pride in. By now, you've probably asked questions like "What's wrong with being gay?" and "What about my autism makes me so different?"

Things like that have granted me the assurance that our hearts beat to the same rhythm. From what I can gather, you're very likeable, Ritzy, and I request only that we stay in touch through these post-it notes for now, as I can't actually make an appearance in your life right now. I think that would probably be inappropriate.

As you likely don't have any prior knowledge about me, and you already have a relationship, I won't push you to make more than one correspondence with me. Just understand this: I am always here for you. My door is always open to you, regardless of circumstance. You may not trust me yet, however, I will pursue that goal as far as you will let me.

I have a feeling you may be uncomfortable with me using your name, as we've never actually met in the flesh, so what say we use code names? I'll be Valour, you'll be Grace. Let's write like this for now, until we can really shake hands and call ourselves friends, at least.

Sincerely,

R (Valour)"

Staring at the page, I'm in the eye of a storm of my own device. All at once, I'm touched, excited, curious, mortified and slightly confuzzled. Which doesn't make my already anxious temperament any better.

Yet, something about this post-it is urging me to reply, to communicate. So, with conviction, and discretion, I form a riposte that, I yearn, will be replaced with a rejoinder that will answer all of my questions. I pick out a green post-it note from my pencilcase, semi-circular, resemblant to the one I received (obviously we both buy our post-its from Tiger); along with a black biro, with which I inscribe:

"Dear R, Valour, whoever you are,

I have collected your unorthodoxly cryptic note, which, I admit, is a little bit creepy. I don't know if you've composed that letter to me because you're one of the psychopathic bullies from here attempting to pull a fast one on me, because if you are, I'll find out. Then again, for someone who insists that they'll never harm me, and that your door is always open, you seem a smidge too closed off, a tad more wise than most of the blockheads around here. They're not so bright as you sound on paper.

We also - by how things are coloured in my eyes - have quite a bit in common. A first name with the same initial, post-its from Tiger and open minds. I agree: we should be proud of being different.
 
What is actually wrong with being gay? I suppose it's a question only the wise people have the answer to. Speaking of questions, you leave many unanswered.

First, who are you? Have we met? And no, I mean this lifetime, not the last one. How does one who buries themself in the shadows accumulate so much knowledge on one person without the person in question being suspicious or, in a more mundane state of affairs, without knowing the person?

And dreaming of me? That hardly suggests that you've been living a particularly good or interesting life if you've been longing for me this whole time.

It's at least honourable that you did mention that I am in a relationship as it stands. You know I've been confessing my love for a month prior to this message for a girl, whom you probably have heard the name of enough times for it to reverberate in the back of your mind. Her name is Danylynn, and I'll always love her. Nothing will change that.

Why do you want me so much anyway? If you couldn't reach me before, why can you reach me now? And why can't we meet now, if it's our "destiny" to meet? I suppose if it's a reincarnation thing, time will change the course of events, but still.

What is your game?

Please answer my questions soon, or I might consider an alternative route of finding you.

Sincerely,

Grace"