The next weeks are the hardest she ever had to endure. A constant state of waiting. She knows she can’t take the first step in his direction, he has to do it, he has to recognize, that he needs help, everything else would be futile.
Checking her phone and emails every hour now was way out of the ordinary for her at work, she usually left her phone in her locker and was concentrating on the task at hand. It isn’t easy anyway after the scene Mulder performed during their lunch break a few weeks ago which led her back to their house. But there was no message from him during that time and she is worried if she had made the wrong decision to present him with a fait accompli. What if he had harmed himself or had attempt suicide? It was almost impossible to let go of these thoughts, but she has to be strong now if she wants to help him and get back to him one day.
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Deep in her thoughts she does not see the blinking of her phone, showing the arrival of a new email, but the buzzing of the phones vibration on her desk pulls her out of her musing.
Dearest Dana,
I’m having a hard time expressing what I am feeling right now. I miss you so bad it hurts and you almost broke my heart, when you left this night 71 days ago. Yes I’m counting every day I am without you. And it took me quite some time to realise, it wasn’t your fault, that you left. It was mine. I was drowning in my madness, drowning in my maniac idea to save the world. I didn't even know what I was doing in the end. I was ignoring you and I hurt you more than one time. I cannot tell you how much I am sorry for doing this to you. By now I do totally understand your reasons for leaving me here, alone. That was the only way for me to realize what I have become. I am in therapy now. I sectioned myself into a treatment facility 8 weeks ago. I am taking my meds and I do have a lot of therapy sessions. It will still take me awhile, to get back to myself, but I could not wait any longer to tell you, that I am working on myself, for me, for you and for us of course. I miss you Scully. I couldn’t imagine how to go through this hell without the knowledge that I’ll see you again.
Please don’t give up on me. M.
Her eyes are brimming with tears, which then roll down her face, she feels so much hope right now and she is so proud of him. He can do it, she is sure, he is finally back on the track and he will make it. And she answers:
Mulder I would never even consider to give up on you. S.
From that moment on, he wrote her every day, keeping her updated about his progress, tells her about his therapy sessions, what his plans are for the future. It is her highlight everyday, and she is kind of celebrating the moment she is reading his email. Most of the time in the evening in front of her fireplace with glass of wine, going through his mail several times, smiling at the knowledge, that he’s doing so much better.
Today was a long day in the hospital with three small surgeries a lot of meetings and she just wants to go home and read Mulders mail he sent her during the day, but she can’t stand the anticipation today and opens it on her phone. Her heart was racing like crazy every time she reads something new from him.
Hey Scully,
this is my 365th email in a row, I am going to be discharged tomorrow, I can’t believe I spent a whole year in this clinic. I don’t know what else to say then thank you for pushing me in this direction. I cannot wait to see you again. Would you go out with me for dinner tomorrow night? It would be my biggest wish to see you and to celebrate this achievement with you.
Just come to our favourite Italian Restaurant tomorrow night, 8pm. M.
The moment she finishes reading her heart skips a beat. She hasn’t seen him over a year now. Sometimes she wasn’t sure how she survived this time, but reading this invitation it seems all worth the wait. Of course she will have dinner with him tomorrow. But first she needs to get something wear tomorrow!
She changes into her private clothes quickly and rushes to her car in the parking garage, heading to the near mall. It doesn’t take her long and she finds what she was searching for: a dark green dress which underlines her eyes and hair in a great way, it has no sleeves and a V-neck and was knee length combined with suitably black high heels and a black bolero she thinks she’s done with her shopping until she sees the Victoria’s Secret store on the other side of the mall while she was checking out. She doesn’t want to exaggerate, it was their first evening together in a very long time, but she knows what he likes and she needs new underwear anyway, grinning to herself she went directly for a black chantilly lace combination and with this purchase she has everything she needs for the upcoming dinner with Mulder. She feels like a teenager thinking about their date. She almost is not even able to sleep, tossing from side to side, going through every minute of their possible dinner in her head.
Time seems to stand still at work the whole day, meeting in meeting out, she isn’t able to concentrate, checking her phone every few minutes for a new message from him, but there is nothing.
When the end of her shift finally comes up she showers and changes at work, putting on some makeup and leaves the hospital at 7:30pm.
God she is nervous.
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The drive to the restaurant luckily is quick and she is sitting in her car in the parking lot in front of the restaurant, trying to calm herself down.
She enters the restaurant and it is looks still all the same as in her memory, they have been here very often in the past, he took her out for dinner after work so many times, before everything went downhill.
And then she sees him, in the back of the restaurant, dressed in a new suite, with a fresh haircut, shaved and the most important thing, he is smiling towards her while he is walking in her direction, taking her hand admiring her from head to toe and then he takes her in his arms.
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Holding her tight to him and it feels like an eternity until they part and sit down on their chairs. They both cannot believe that they made it through all this pain. But they promise each other to make a new start, to not look back from now on.
