I cannot save us

Chapter 3

The week in Montreal goes by in a rush with recitals, panels, workshops as well as fun evenings with Ben and Sam in the hotel bar with lots of giggles and laughter. She is keeping Ben a bit at arm's lengths. Even though she admires his interest in her, she is not sure where to go from here. A life without Mulder was difficult or more likely impossible to imagine and she is definitely not sure if it was a good idea to let him kiss her a few days ago. She is still hoping for a change and that she is able to motivate him to finally start with a therapy.

It's Friday night and their flight will leave early in the morning. They had a tasty dinner and are on their way to the bar, when her phone rings. Before she could say anything she hears him say "Scully... it's me."
"I'll be back tomorrow around noon...," she manages to say before Ben calls "Dana we'll get a table in the bar, see you there."
"I see, have fun..." is all she hears before the line goes dead.

Standing there staring paralyzed at her phone she is startled when Ben suddenly speaks to her "Is anything the matter, you look like you've seen a ghost.."
"Sorry, I gotta fly home tonight. I... I can't stay until tomorrow. I'm sorry." she says while turning around, walking towards the reception desk to arrange her check out and ordering a cab which should leave in about 30 minutes.

Her suitcase is packed within a few minutes and the flight is booked during the drive to the airport. Luckily there was a chance to fly out to DC this night and it wasn't fully booked.

When the SUV rolls over the gravel path to their little house her body is tensed completely. Knuckles white holding tight onto steering wheel.

There is no light to be seen inside, but she knows he never sleeps before the early morning hours, this seems odd. Cautiously she walks up the stairs onto the porch and opens the front door. The whole house is silent. And there is no light shining under his office door.

When her eyes adjust to the darkness she sees him.
Sitting on the sofa, in the dark.
Staring at her.
"Jeez Mulder," she exhales.
He doesn't reply.
He doesn't move.
He just stares at her.

She switches on the lamp of the kitchen counter to set her luggage aside which she is still carrying, when she turns around he's right behind her.
Without any indication he grabs her head with both hands and kisses her hard on her lips, invading her mouth with his is tongue. Exploring her, marking her as if he has never kissed her before.

When he lets up on her and loosens his grip, she watches him with questioning eyes but he doesn't say anything, he just keeps staring at her.

"Mulder, I think you got a complete wrong impression..."

"I don't think so" he answers while taking her wrists, pressing her against the wall behind her, hands squeezed tight in his above her head.

As his eyes finally find hers his facial features softens, but not his grip on her wrists.
"Scully don't do this to me" he mumbles while his head moves to the crook of her neck, kissing her and nibbling his way up to her ear.
"Please don't leave me." he whispers the moment he reaches her ear.
She can't hold back the tears that are pooling in her eyes and they are streaming down her cheeks. He releases her hands which she brings to both sides of his face, tracing her thump lazily over his cheekbones.

"I cannot save us Mulder. I need you to help me...!"

In one swift motion he grabs her by her hips and shoves her up the wall, like some fluses are blown in his head, pressing her against it for balance.

Desperately he savages her mouth again. Searching her tongue like searching for any sign of response. Her sanity tells her to push him away. To stop right here. He is severely depressive and absolutely unpredictable in this moment, but it feels too good to have him this close, that she ignores her inner voice and grips his head even harder and response to his invasion by kissing him back with as much force as he applies on her.
She tightens her grip around his neck when he starts yanking up her skirt and when his hips make contact with hers she can't help and lets out a soft moan which leads him to stop, leaning his forehead on hears, panting heavily.
"I miss you" she whispers and this brings his thoughts back to her.
"You. Are. Mine." he repeats while grinding the building bulge in his jeans against her hips again and again. "You. Are. Mine."

Suddenly he holds her up against the wall with only one strong arm the other hand rips the fly of his jeans open, tears her pantyhose apart and sidelines her panties. Without any warning he buries himself deep inside her, she cries out loud not sure whether it's pain or surprise.
He does not give her any time to accustom to him, repeating his earlier phrase he starts fucking her hard against the kitchen wall.

I didn't take her long until she explodes, seconds after he follows her, holding her tight for a while, before he lets her down on her shaking legs, turns around and vanishes in his office, slamming the door close so hard, that a frame next to the door, crashes to the floor and shatters in thousand pieces.

She slides down the wall onto the floor in shock, tears streaming down her cheeks, unsure what to think about all of this. Bliss and desperation so close to each other...

It is obvious now, she'll drown with him, if she stays here. It will destroy her, as much as it destroys him. There is no strength, no hand left to hold out to him.
She needs to leave, and she needs to do it now.

Her suitcase is packed in an instant, her only desire right know is to get out of here.
If she's forgotten anything, she'll buy it, she really doesn't care about these material things right now.

She leaves him a message on the kitchen table, throws her suitcase into her SUV and leaves their house, not looking back.

"I cannot save us.
But I love you.
Please let somebody help you, if you don't let me.
S."