Chasing Embers **New and Ongoing Book**

Chapter 3

Two years ago:

I found a sublime stillness in him as our bodies grew closer, the electric current sending shivers up my spine from time to time. As the music plays solemnly in the background, my mind races with single thoughts stringed together with one meaning, and they all flow into me at a constant pace.

And if I could, I would tell him in more ways than one that he is worth it, that he is worth the despair I often feel. And I want so badly to let him know that I know he is scarred, I know he has flaws that seem untangeable, but doesn't everyone? And just because he's cracked, does not mean he's broken, It just means that when he was put to the test, he didn't shatter. I want to tell him that it's okay to be a damaged person, for we were taught to write in graphite; because those mistakes are erasable, reparable, forgivable. But, what he doesn't know is that I find beauty in the crossed out words and scratched out numbers. I know he knows that we were custom made to fit each other, that our paths have crossed and lives had overlapped for a true reasoning, strung and sewn together by the delicate hands of fate.

Why can't he just understand that I was designed to fall in love with his biology, like a diabolical plot made to destroy my very being? It was the perfect storm, he the wind and I the never ending rain. The funny thing about the works of fate however, is you don't get what you bargained for. That is just how fate works I suppose, as we slip briskly into an intimacy from which we will never recover.

And what gives me hope is that I know in my heart that there is a place for the both of us. That if I could swim to the bottom of the ocean or search across the galaxies, the stars will align and be my guide to our perfect world. 

I don't need him to tell me that there is this incredible galaxy in my eyes or to hear about the nonexistent flowers blooming and echoing in my mind. I simply crave for him to look into my eyes and say my name. To tell me if he lays awake at night and thinks about when our hands brushed.

I am a simple girl with intricate feelings. I do not have to be built an imaginary world where the sun always shines and the plants always grow, no. I just need for him to plant his feet firmly on the cracked, uneven ground under the dreary, clouded skies and tell me that we will make this world our own, together.

It suddenly registered in me, like an epiphany of some sorts: just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't secretly love you

With.Everything.They.Have.

I looked up into his baby blue pools to meet his loving grin. He held my face with his palm and looked into my eyes, almost as if he was communicating his feelings for me with the mere glance of his orbs. My heart swelled with joy as I realized, maybe I will be okay. Though I knew the pieces of my heart would never be perfectly joined as one, just as a shattered glass would never be perfectly intact, maybe that was okay. For I now had another broken heart to help balance out my pain. And though he couldn't express his love for me in ways that he wished that he could, I knew he did. He really did love me.

For so long, I'd felt like I was in the middle of a crowded room, screaming, but no one heard me. No one heard my cries for help and no one looked into my eyes and knew that I wasn't okay even though I said I was.

"I'm fine," I'd sigh. But he saw through my rude comments and my sarcastic demeanor. He saw through my pained smiles and my artificial laughs. He saw my pain and he refused to give up on me.

I've never been this happy, I decided. I hope it never ended. But deep down, I always knew it'd never last. As I leaned back from our passionate kiss, a ringing shot sounded throughout the ballroom. Shrieks and screams of terror echoed throughout the room and as I looked up at my true love, he held a blank expression.

He looked down slowly to his stomach, where blood oozed from his abdomen. He slowly met my eyes before collapsing to the floor.

My deafening shrieks and sobs, filled with so much pain, could be heard as his eyelids fluttered close. I felt numb. I had found a happiness for which I hadn't felt in so long.

In that moment of loss my world collapsed - where there was light became shadows, the pain coming and going like waves on frigid sand.

I shook his limp body, sobbing.

"No, no, no. We're supposed to get our happy ending." I cried. "We still haven't gone to France. We haven't bought our first apartment together or had children. You were supposed to marry me. Forever and always, remember? Please don't leave me here. Don't leave me alone. Please..."

Though his eyelids were closed, I heard a softer whisper from his lips. "Forever and always, my love." Before his shallow breaths came to a halt.

My screams grew louder than I ever thought my vocal chords could go, as I repeated "No, this can't be happening," over and over agin.

Though my mind called out for his, the connection was gone... he was gone... and finally I knew that my time to be alone had come.

I glanced to the corner of the room to be met with the same man that had held me back all those years ago, forcing me to watch as my family burned along with my childhood home.

"What do you want from me," I screamed, sobbing at the familiar man. The man who used to take me to baseball games and buy me all of my favorite snacks at the movies. The man who would sit me on his lap and tickle me as I thrashed and giggled under his hold. I don't know when he changed, but he did. And as I got older, his tickling wasn't so jokingly, as they turned into kicks and punches. The nights we stayed up talking turned into a way for him to take my innocence piece by piece so that no one could hear my screams as he raped me mercilessly.

He promised to make my family suffer, and after they were gone, he vowed to take away everything and everyone I were to ever love.

He sent a small smirk my way. "To watch you suffer, Ember," before disappearing from behind the corner.

I stared brokenly at the limp man in my arms. The man I was supposed to love until the end, had met his.

He'll never get to have children or marry someone who he wouldn't have to be on the run with. He'll never go to college or buy his first apartment. He'll never get to have a future, and it's all because I let him fall in love with me.

"Never again," I whispered, my very being numb. Mascara streaks ran down my cheeks and I pushed every ounce of emotion out of my being.

"I vow to never fall in love again."
                
                                                                        ***
(A/N:) Wow, okay so that was really hard to write. I literally felt every ounce of pain Ember was feeling and it hurt like a bitch, haha. I know it's been a really long time, but I hope it was worth the wait.

I know this isn't like an actual dialogue chapter, just a flashback, but I thought this flashback deserved it's own chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed, and like always: comment on what you think, vote, follow, and tell your friends about my new book!

Have a great night, morning, or afternoon!

_MessyHairDontCare4