EmPATHETICally Blind (A skinny love story)

Chapter 32: Leaving him.

    Emilee's POV:

In my rage of anger against Matt, I had started angrily throwing my clothes in my suitcase. I wasn't crying surprisingly, but I was very pissed. I called him asking for a supportive decision. I really did need his help. I mean, wasn't he technically my boyfriend? I had called to ask because this affected him too. What I didn't need was to be yelled at. 

Matt and I were just so compulsive, destructive, and both of us maybe had anger issues. Around each other.

        I loved Matt. I loved the way his dimples showed when he smiled, the way he blushed at everything. The lip rings. The fact that he time and thought out of going out of his way just to make me happy. Filling my locker with suckers, singing to me, taking me to the beach. I had come to depend on him like he was my drug. He made me happy, he made me want to do crazy things. Everyday was like an adventure with him. And at home, nothing felt like that.

Even tattoo guy, whose name I won't even mention ever since I started dating Matt, he and I's relationship didn't have this type of.....zest. Even getting bitten by mosquitoes was fun, as long as it was with him. I thought about the first day we met. The fact that his brother made him bring the muffins, and the fact that I was home alone. Those were spontaneous. It wasn't fate. It was random, and it just happened. 

I couldn't leave him. I just couldn't.

I ran out of the house and across the street, raising a few eyebrows from Marcie and my dad as I ran past. I knocked on the door. His mom answered it, very confused as to why I was knocking around supper time.

        "Emilee, is something wrong?" She asked me, noticing the look on my face?

        "Sorry, I just forgot to return the...." I fumbled for something that could be passed as Matt's. I noticed the rubberband bracelet that I've had since forever. 

        "Bracelet! To Matt. I was going to give it to him." I said, smiling. She smiled.

        "Oh, that's so sweet of you! He's in the tent dear." She said, waving at me and closing the door. 

Pure dread filled me, and the love I was feeling for him all drained out. 

He succumed.

I ran to the backyard and unzipped his tent, crawling inside. I saw him sitting there, angry tears spilling down his cheeks as he drank. He wasn't drunk yet.

        "Matt! How could you?" I asked. He frowned even more. I crawled to sit in front of him.

        "You're leaving me. After all this. After you told me you'd stay, that you weren't going anywhere. That I finally had someone. You left me." He said, putting the bottle down and crossing his arms. 

        "I haven't left yet, dick shit. I was actually running over here to apologize. I know how hard this must be for you, in fact I can feel it. But now I don't even know what to do anymore. Is this what I'm going to find? Every single time we had a fight? You sitting there drinking away your problems??? What if I did that to you, huh? What if you found me cutting every time we fought. How would that make you feel?" I asked. He flinched, but took another drink. He didn't say a word.

        "Fine. Fine. Let's leave it at this then. It's up to you Matt. Me or alcohol, which do you choose? If you keep drinking, I'm moving. If you put the bottle away, and keep it away, I'm yours for as long as you want me." I say.

He stares at where I'm supposed to be for a long and suffering moment, then he slowly picks up the alcohol and takes a drink.

My heart drops to my stomach and I'm speechless for once. 

        "Okay..... if that's how you really feel. I'll...goodbye.. I lov- *sigh*" I can't even finish. I close my eyes, tossing my bracelet at him.

        "Here." I barely manage to get out, my voice cracking.

I then get up and climb out of the tent. I feel the familiar burn in my nose, my throat closing up. I shake my head hard and replace the sadness with anger instead. No. I'm done crying. 

But as I slowly walked home, I realized, going back wasn't what I was homesick for. I was homesick to the sense of being at home, someplace I knew well, and Iowa still felt new. But I realized, when I was with Matt, I did feel at home.