(on hold) peaches and lemons | w.o.

prologue

Losing you wasn't just painful,
it was damaging also.
It wasn't me sitting down on a couch surrounded by my friends as we watched movies and ate food to try and forget you.
It was me staying up at four in the morning because the thought of you was so strong I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face.
It was me swallowing thickly and blinking back tears every time I was in public, the hole in my chest causing my breaths to come out shaky rather than normal.
It was me laughing at things for no reason as my stomach turned because the urge of falling apart was getting stronger.
It was me crying at random hours during the day and me not wanting to get up out of bed...
It was me deleting our conversations and regretting it because now I couldn't know where we had went wrong.
It hurt, losing you had hurt and I wasn't ever able to forget that kind of pain.
But now, I'm trying to get over you.
I'm trying so goddammed hard.
And some mornings, I wake up and think yes, maybe I finally am free.
Free from my echoing thoughts of you.
Free from the constant battle of loving you and losing you.
But then other mornings I wake up and all I can think about is how your eyes look with sunlight in them and how your face looks just before you break into a smile.
Maybe we aren't meant to be together, maybe not now, maybe not ever.
And I don't wanna have a single grain of hope, because blessed are those with no expectations.
But sometimes I think against my own will that what if we break all the laws?
Maybe we'll forget each other soon but what if we meet again someday in the future, and in one look we'll feel the ache in our hearts of our incomplete love, and maybe then I'll be right for you, and you'll be right for me.
Maybe we are meant to be together, maybe not now, but maybe someday.