ELLE
[Timeline: March 2019]
I WAITED again, frequently glancing at the thing I was holding, hoping for a better result. This has become a habit, more like a punishment because every time I try, I always get the result I did not pray for. My phone vibrated, a sign that five minutes are over.
My heart beats raced, I slowly peeked at the pregnancy test stick I was holding.
Negative.
Again. I bit my lip, trying not to cry, trying to be positive like how I usually am. We've been married for eight months now, active like how newly wed couples are but until now, my womb is still empty. I glanced at the ceiling, feeling down again at the same time, anxious that I might not be able to provide a child for my husband who's excited to be a father. I slipped the useless stick in the trash bin and washed my hands before leaving the bathroom.
Tao was just entering our bedroom when I lied on the bed, "How was it?"
Still. Not. Pregnant. I shook my head and covered myself with the blankets, I heard him sight and that totally broke my heart even more. Why am I not pregnant until now? Why can't I make him happy? He's been waiting for it ever since we got married, I even took a leave for a month in 3cks' promotion for our month long honeymoon and still nothing. Nam Sora is now pregnant and I'm still here, trying to be pregnant and ends up not being one.
I felt his arms around me, "Don't worry, maybe it's not the right time yet."
Eight months. Within those eight months, no right time ever came. Why? I've tried a lot of things, ate this food, drank this juice, experimented a lot of positions but why is it so hard? The doctor said that both of us are healthy and are capable of conceiving so I thought after a month of being married, I'd be able to look forward into being a mother. At 23, I was ready to be one and at 24, I'm still just a wife.
Fu Yixia and Lu Han is getting married in July, they might be getting a child soon enough and I'm afraid that I'm still not pregnant by then.
Whenever we meet with the other couples, I feel less happy. Seeing them with their children increases my envy and I feel bad about that. "You have to go," I mumbled, still downhearted.
He has a schedule in three hours while I have a flight to catch tonight, I only had two days free where I can squeeze Tao in and fly to China and that days ended so I need to go back to Seoul tonight. Tao removed the blankets that covers my face, "You're crying." I rolled my eyes at him, why does he have to state the obvious. He knows he married a crybaby for fudge's sake, "You must be feeling pressured, don't stress yourself. The baby will come when it's time, okay?" His thumb wiped my tear stained face, "I love you."
I pursed my lips as an attempt to stop my tears from falling. Why does he have to be so patient? It makes me feel more pressured, it makes me want to rush things already!
He lifted the blankets off and threw it on the floor, crawling above me with both of his hands at the side of my head, supporting his weight. "Let's just take our time being husband and wife, maybe that's what it means, before we can jump to being mother and father, babe." He dipped his gead down, tracing soft kisses on my neck.
I pressed my eyes closed. Fudge. Moans came out of my mouth as his hands kept roaming around my body, "You h-have a photoshoot in three hours, Huang."
He stopped kissing me and stared at my face, smirking, "It's three hours away," moving closer to my ear, "I still have a wife to take care of, Huang." Fudge, I'm a Huang too.
And with that, our bedroom were filled with my moans, his groans and the sound of our bed continuously hitting the wall. Huang Zi Tao do know how to make me reassure me that he's not going anywhere so I don't need to rush things. We still have a lifetime to spend anyway.
