The Storm in My Head

My Pride Story

So, um... LGBT+ Pride Month. Let's do this.

I first heard about the LGBT+ community around a year or two ago. I was just randomly browsing Wattpad, and I saw a trashy-looking (sorry) boyband fanfic that was labelled [boyxboy]. It took me a while to figure out that the author meant that the ship was between two boys, but when it finally clicked in my head, I was... Well, not really phased. At all. I basically just shrugged my shoulders, thought "cool" to myself, and moved along.

Over the next summer, the LGBT+ community seemed to crop up everywhere online. I don't know why, either I was looking at different things or I just hadn't noticed before. One name in particular I really grew fond of: Thomas Sanders. (Quick side note: Thomas is an innocent fluffy child in a man's body and even if you are the most intense homophobe on planet Earth I invite you to come watch his Sanders Sides series. He only makes gay jokes sometimes, and each episode has some really good messages for anybody to hear. The messages aren't political crap or anything, either, almost all of them are mental health lessons and similar topics.) I began to learn more about LGBT+, and naïve little me being naïve little me, I had no idea that there was this massive political war going on globally about the rights and validity of the LGBT+ community, they were just a different group I hadn't heard of before, and that was cool in my book.

At that point, I was pretty sure I was a "normal" person: I wasn't gender dysphoric, and I liked boys. Some of you will know that I used to have a huge honkin crush on one of my best friends, who is a guy. I didn't actually know any LGBT+ people in my life. I just sort of saw it through my screen, and I saw them the way I saw any other minority group: as distant to me but deserving of equal treatment. I thought that everyone else felt the same way about the LGBT+ community as I did.

Hoo boy, was I wrong.

I learned that many religious people claimed that the Bible denounced same-sex attraction as the work of the devil. I learned that people didn't think it was okay to dress and act a little differently in order to feel more comfortable in your own body. I learned that some people were actively violent against these groups that I'd grown so fond of.

I didn't understand why these people could be so mean. The Old Testament denounces same-sex intercourse, yes, but not non-sexual acts, and I understood that as just meaning that gays and lesbians should abstain from sex because they can't reproduce through it, making it only an act of sex for pleasure, which was and still is something I agree is wrong, no matter what the sexes are of the people committing the act. As for being transgender, I haven't seen a lick of Biblical text that condemns being trans. If someone with female genitalia is more comfortable being called by he/him/his pronouns, or vice versa, I don't see why people are making such a fuss over it. We have bigger things to worry about, for goodness sake.

I refuse to believe that a perfect, loving God would eternally condemn people for being as He made them. Besides, as a whole, even if God does hate gays and trans people, it's not our place to be judging them. People who judge other people are doing just as much bad as they claim the people that they judge are.

And a reminder that I was thinking about this before I knew I was LGBT+. Eventually, I figured out that I was asexual. It was a pretty big weight off my shoulders to know that my lack of a desire to procreate was natural and had a name. I still want kids, though, so I'm planning to adopt children with my spouse when I'm older.

Then high school rolled along, and I met my first fellow LGBT+ members. The first was a classmate of mine in religion, let's call them Alex. Alex wasn't born Alex. Alex was born a girl, but he prefers to be called by male/non-gender-specific pronouns. He introduced me to some of his friends. Most were lesbians and/or ftms (female-trans-males, for those of you who don't know the acronym). They took me to a GSA meeting one Thursday night, and I was hooked. GSA was such a safe, fun place to be, where we could be silly, or if we needed to, be serious. Mostly silly though.

Most of the time, I just provided support. Asexuals receive fairly little discrimination compared to other LGBT+ groups, so I didn't really have a lot to worry about. Until I developed a crush on a girl.

I had a hunch before that maybe I wasn't heteroromantic, but it was never really something that was proven until that point. It was nice, though. The girl I liked is a sweetheart, fun to be around, and pretty chill overall (except until her anxiety kicks in, she's a nervous bean). Liking her that was is actually how one of her friends helped me be her friend. Feeling that way for a girl felt as normal as feeling that way for a boy: awkward and self-conscious, but with little butterflies and a heart full to bursting.

And now here we are.

I'm sorry if this was a bit of a mess, I'm sleepy and stressed and I just felt like I needed to get this out. I hope you all have a wonderful Pride month, whether you support or not :)