Nightmares ➳ Connor McDonough/ Before You Exit Fanfic { edited }

Three

Connor's POV

I looked at the clock on my nightstand and let out a sigh. It was four in the morning and I was too scared to fall asleep, knowing that, as soon as I let myself slip into unconsciousness, I'd be sucked into the same familiar nightmare that never failed to leave me terrified.

So I did the only thing I could think of doing: go outside and get some fresh air.

I put on some workout clothes and walked out the door, making sure to leave a little note for Toby and Riley, just in case they woke up and wondered why I wasn't there.

I made my way to the ground floor of the apartment complex I lived in and began walking to a nearby park where I just started jogging around in circles. Something I do very often when I just have to clear my head and breathe.

I was probably on my third lap around the park, when I felt a presence beside me, and I knew exactly who it was.

"Gwen, go away," I groaned but she didn't budge. All I got from her was a slight flinch.

She asked me a question that I didn't really want to answer, so I just dodged it like I always do.

We were headed back to the apartment complex that we both lived in, when she asked me a question that made my stomach churn.

"Where are your parents?" she asked and I could feel the anger boiling inside me. The anger became sadness, which then became frustration, then it went back to anger.

"Get away from me," I said, as I stormed away from her. 

I knew I probably left her standing there in utter confusion, but there was something about that question that always put me in an awful mood. I just didn't want to explode in front of her. I didn't want her to see me at my weakest.

The answer to that question is the root of my nightmares. It's when it all began.

I reached the door of my apartment not long after and I started digging my hands into my pockets in search for my keys.

After a few moments, I realized I must have left them in my room, so I started banging on the door. The last thing I wanted was for Gwen to catch up with me and demand an answer.

"Connor?" Riley asked, still half asleep.

I pushed past him and locked myself inside my room.

I could still feel my anger taking over me and I did the only thing I could. I punched the wall. I punched it until I had completely calmed down, which left my knuckles in a terrible state.

There were droplets of blood running down my arm, so I went to the first aid kit located in my bathroom and wrapped up my knuckles in some gauze.

"Connor, are you okay?" I heard my youngest brother, Toby, ask from the other side of the door.

"Yeah," I lied and he knew as well as I did that I wasn't telling the truth.

I let myself out of my room and his eyes immediately darted to my banged up knuckles and he shook his head.

"What happened this time?" he asked, but I just walked past him and started getting ready for work.

I changed into my uniform and started walking down the street.

Once I stopped walking, I found myself in front of a little store that sold musical equipment. It didn't pay that well, but it was good enough for me to pay the rent and afford decent meals for my brothers and I.

Another thing that I liked about working here was that there weren't many customers, so it was usually quiet throughout the day.

"Hey Connor," my best buddy, Thomas, said. He was leaning against the counter with a cheesy smile on his face.

I replied to him with a small smile, not feeling the need to actually talk.

"What's up? You seem a little crabby today," he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"It's nothing." I knew he wouldn't buy it, but he knew I wouldn't say anything more.

He walked into the back room and grabbed a cajon and started drumming on it with his hands, making a pretty catchy beat. This was what he would usually do when there were no customers and when I wasn't in the mood to talk. Most days I join him and put my guitar skills to good use, but today wasn't really one of those days.

I took one glimpse at the transparent glass doors and saw someone pass by and she saw me too.

I looked into her grey eyes and tried to keep my face emotionless.

I crossed my fingers and prayed she wouldn't come in, but she did and I muttered a few curses under my breath.

"It's nice to see you again," she said, giving me a bright smile, one of the brightest smiles I've ever seen.

I stayed silent, my blue eyes staring into hers, hoping she would get the message that I really didn't want to see her at all and wanted her to leave.

Thomas suddenly appeared beside me, and Gwen's eyes shifted to him, keeping the smile on her face as they introduced themselves.

"What are you doing here?" I said harshly as Thomas attended to a customer.

"I was on my way to work, but then I saw you and I thought I'd stop by".

"And where do you work, exactly?" I asked, hoping it was far far away from here.

"I work at the music store, just beside this place" she replied, examining a guitar that was leaning against the wall and I rolled my eyes.

Not only did she live next to me, her job was right next to mine too. I tried to convince myself that it could be a lot worse, but being positive really wasn't my thing.

I heard an alarm start going off and I looked back at her as she scrolled through her phone and the beeping sound stopped.

"I have to get to work, don't wanna be late," she said and started leaving the store as I let out a sigh of relief.

"Is she the reason why you're so crabby?" Thomas asked as he reappeared beside me. His fondness of the word crabby had always gotten on my nerves, but I could never get him to stop saying it. Considering that the answer to his question was pretty obvious, I didn't bother lying, so I just nodded my head.

"Why do you hate her?" he asked and even I didn't know the answer to this. My hatred towards Gwen had just come naturally. Like, it felt right that I didn't like her, and I was pretty sure she didn't like me either. She was just pretending to.

"I just do," I replied, not knowing how else to explain and he shook his head at me.

"That isn't a valid reason," he said, rolling her eyes, but what he said next was what really put me off. "She's trying to be nice to you so I suggest you try to be nice to her too, who knows maybe she can actually help you."

Thomas is one of the very few people who know about my daily nightmares. I can't believe he actually thinks Gwen can help me. No one can help me, not even the best psychiatrist in Florida can. 

I was a mess before. I'm a mess now. And I'll probably be a mess forever.