I Am Me.

Prologue

"It isn't about 'becoming' another person- I already am who I am -I just want my body to reflect that. It's not like I'm suddenly changing from the person you've always known- this is more about your willingness to see who I've always been."
-Cooper Lee Bombardier

~~~~~

"Life.
It's Hell.
People think Hell is for the dead. But I think otherwise. I'm Hayden--"
"No you are not. You are my daughter and your name is Hayley!" My mother protests from my doorway.
This is the same thing I go though every day.
"What if I want to change? Not change who I am... But just my gender?" Wrong question. Nice one Hayden.
"Your gender is who you are." She argues.
And this is the point where I bite my tongue and hope for the best.

I turn off the camera and turn in my chair to meet eyes with my mother. She impatiently drips the clothing in her hands on the light brown wood floor at her feet. It looks like she's about to cry.
"If you really want me and love me as your mother you wouldn't claim you're something you're not." Oh brother.
I sigh. Her shaking tone says it all. I watch with tired eyes as she storms out of the room with a slam of the door.
With a heavy heart and a knot in my throat I stand from the chair I was seated in.

My body drags me to the now unfolded and messy stack of clothes and forces me to pick it up. I release another heavy breath feeling as though my heartstrings are about to snap.
Walking to the end of my bed I sit the clothes down. I run my fingers through my butchered short hair- butchered by me because my mum refused-then begin sorting though the pile.

Second hand briefs, pink socks, my old best friend's baggy shirt, another one... God I miss him. He supported me and it was like he actually knew what was happening in my head.
I hope I can find others like him.