November 2, 2018
Eliska had kept herself under control throughout the entire day.
She found out in the morning, sitting in a busy coffee shop in New York. Jonah had called her to tell her the news: Why Don't We was extending their tour to Europe and Asia. She didn't know why she hadn't expected it. The same extension was done on the Invitation Tour, and this time around was no different. It still felt like a hit to the heart, though, knowing that it would be that much longer before they would see each other.
She could remember how Jonah's voice had sounded. He was excited, ecstatic, to meet the fans and see different parts of the world with his best friends, but it was evident that he missed her just as much as she missed him.
When he told her, tears welled up in her eyes, not because she was unhappy or angry, but because of how much she longed to see him. No matter how much she wanted to breakdown, however, she kept it together. She stopped herself from crying, composed herself since she was in a public place, and put up a brave front, for Jonah's sake. She told him they would be alright, and that she loved him. He said the same to her.
But now, she was alone.
Her father had left the hotel room about an hour before and wouldn't be back for a long while, conferences running late into the night, maybe early morning.
She closed her book and set it on the bed beside her, frustrated with herself. She couldn't focus, quickly losing control of her emotions.
The shine of New York lights through the large window before her held her attention, streetlamps, car headlights, and flashing signs glowing brightly in the distance. She allowed her vision to shift out of focus, the lights melting into dull dots, as her eyes filled with tears.
She hated herself for feeling what she was. Discouraged, doubtful, empty. She felt she had no right, no reasoning save what her emotions were based on. It was Jonah's career, his passion. She supported him. She wanted him to do what he loved, but she couldn't stop seeing the negative effects. In that moment, it was overwhelming.
She raked a hand through her hair, willing herself to stop, but she couldn't. Her breathing was becoming irregular.
All of the nights she'd stayed up waiting for him to call rushed through her mind, all the times they'd just pressed Accept Call when they were interrupted. The pictures, the pictures all over the internet and social media. He could hug them, those wonderful, beautiful girls who adored him, his fans, but he couldn't hug her. He couldn't hold her.
She pulled her knees up to her chest, the heel of her hand pressed against her forehead.
"Stop," she hissed to herself, but it sounded muffled, even out loud.
She hadn't stood in front of him, hugged him, kissed him, touched him in three months.
Her last-ditch effort to keep it together shattered as easily as thin glass.
Sobs wracked her body, making her shoulders shake and her chest hurt. She clamped a hand over her mouth, not wanting to disturb those who were in the hotel rooms beside her. Somehow, that made everything worse, needing to scream but not being able to. She hadn't cried over the feelings she'd shut down for months even once before. It had finally caught up to her, stealing her breath and pulling her under the waves over and over again.
Her hands reached away from her head at their own accord, picking up the phone that was lying on the bedside table. She knew she shouldn't, that it would make everything worse, but she needed to hear his voice.
He picked up on the third ring.
"El, hi," he said immediately. He sounded happy, his tone light. Eliska squeezed her eyes shut and bit the inside of her lip, hard. She hated herself. Why couldn't she be strong enough for him?
When she didn't respond, Jonah's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
"El... what's wrong?" he said, worried. Her lip was quivering, lungs screaming at her to give up the silence.
"Jo," she got out, so quietly, she didn't think he'd hear. He did, dread sinking in his chest.
"Baby," he whispered, "talk to me."
And that was it.
A sob escaped her and then she couldn't hold anything else in. She was crying harder than before, eyes closed, leaking with tears. The hand that was gripping the phone was shaking.
Jonah's mouth fell open a little, his chest heaving with emotion. Eliska was sobbing and he was helpless. He didn't know what to do.
"El, sweetheart," she heard him say, though he sounded distant. She leaned over herself, holding half of her face in one of the palms of her hands.
She forced herself through a shuddery deep breath before saying, "I'm so sorry, Jo, I just... I—I miss you. So much." Her voice was broken by her cries.
On the other side of the world, Jonah's own eyes filled with tears as he ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends. He had never felt that desperate; he could do absolutely nothing to help her.
