NIRVANA ~Prequel~

Prequel

"There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster." -14th Dalai Lama

My name is Agnes. I am a novelist by profession though I am only 24 years old. My loving parents have always supported me since grade school as I have always joined and won all of our essay writing contests. The teachers have always encouraged me to write more too.

But I wasn't always the bookworm that people may think I was. They always thought that I must have read a lot of stories which was the root of my inspiration and as they said, my infinite amount of resource, however the only story that had inspired me and the only author that made me who I am was Agatha Christie. Not only have I read her works, I have also played the video games that were inspired by her works. This was what kept me going, what had me push through my career as a writer.

I have joined all of my schools' and my college's literature club in the hopes of at least getting my short novels published weekly. I wasn't disappointed. Though I have always hid under the pen name of Phoebe Ainsworth when writing my mystery novels, some of my friends knew about me. I never told my parents about my chosen pen name but I'm sure they knew whose creation they were reading whenever I bring home a copy of the school's paper.

Life wasn't always fair though. Success doesn't always favor you. Luck isn't always by your side.

I decided that I will continue with my career as a writer, make it my profession. But... The confidence that I have built and accumulated over my years of experience shattered as I have received a letter of rejection from the very company I have aimed to have my very first book published.

Not just that company, many others too. My first book was a failure if you may call it. Apparently, closed-door murder type of mystery novels were no longer a thing for them. That they wanted something out of the box. Something new. Something that will trigger the inner Sherlock Holmes of the targeted readers.

My world shattered. Whatever I had left crumbled down under my feet. I thought I was going to fall down the infinite abyss of depressing failure until I saw light.

I'm not going to drown here! I said to myself. This is will not be the end of me!

I never knew what exactly happened next. All I knew was I stayed up all night and day, regardless of how hot it was. I even started joining writing classes with the Mystery as their main genre. I needed to know more. Of course, writing comes naturally, but I also had to know more about types of crimes and all that jazz.

My second attempt came around. I was still joining classes. I have also started watching movies and TV shows to broaden my knowledge, desperate to get my first work published.

I have since posted my first attempt on my website in the hopes of garnering readers and getting their opinions. I wanted to improve, if that's one thing. Of course, my readers have nothing to say but niceties and I am thankful for that. I just prayed that my second attempt of getting my book published gets accepted.

I waited for a while before publishing this second book to my website. At that time, another letter arrived. That letter had my world crumbling beneath my feet. It was as if I was standing in quicksand. I didn't know how to react as my mother consoled me. I stood where I was staring at the words "We are sorry to inform you..." that were printed in that letter of rejection.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to know exactly why they still didn't consider my second work. I have already put my body and soul into writing this novel but... What was missing?

I saw myself drowning.

I could feel myself succumb to the very depths of depression.

I almost considered ending my life then and there.